painnnnnnn

I've never really understood the concept of painkillers and why people are addicted to them, but I'm kinda getting it now. I've been dealing with back pain issues on and off since I was a teenager, and my 2010 started off with a fresh round of pain. Just when I thought it was going away, I stupidly partook in flag football drills, and voila, the back pain came back with a ROAR. And not in my back, but all the way down my leg. My self-diagnosis of a herniated disc/pinched nerve was all but confirmed by my chiropractor and physical therapist, and well, $125 worth of co-pay per week for the next few weeks means no more JCrew/Anthro shopping for me. UGHHHHH! So not only do I feel like a lame bum who is clearly ONLY 26 years old on paper, but I'm not even gonna look as cute. GAH. Peeps, it's important to take care of yourself and your body. I neglect mine all too much. And yeah, I might be complaining about the exorbitant amount of money I have to spend on taking care of my body (WHEN OH WHEN DOES THE REFORMED HEALTH CARE BILL KICK IN!), but it's probably going to be the best thing I do for myself, even better than the cute dress and flats I could've bought at Urban. (But barely....)

Take care of yourselves! Listen to your body! Don't play football if you really don't feel like you should! Yeah, I'm just full of great advice. And no, as much as I would love some, I'm not addicted to painkillers. I just like my little orange Motrin pills, taken as directed on the box. If you do have a percocet or 2 lying around though, call me. ;)

being genuinely happy for others

One of the nicest things my good friend Leslie ever said was when she told me how genuinely happy she was for me when I told her I was dating. It meant a lot, because if you think about it, we use the words "I'm happy for you!" quite often, but in how many of those instances do you truly, really mean it? Now, I'm not calling any of you out and saying you don't mean what you say, but I do think the art of being truly, genuinely, unseflishly and unconditionally happy for someone without a hint of 'I wish that were me' is not the easiest of things to master. Am I wrong?

As much as I've been down in the dumps lately about my job situation and such, I'm genuinely happy for my friend and coworker, who is moving on from here and starting a brand new chapter in her life in a brand new place. She is one of my rocks at work, and I've always said that I have to leave before her cause I won't be able to handle life at this place without her, but.. I'm just reallllly happy for her. She was so miserable here (what is with this place!) and to see a light at the end of this tunnel, well, she totally deserves it! And that's when it hit me, I am unconditionally happy, despite it meaning I'm losing a friend at work, despite what the repercussions of her leaving might mean for me and my job, despite me not seeing the light at the end of my tunnel. It's a really good feeling, being happy for someone. I want to feel this more often! Hoorah!

time is not my friend.

Almost everyone I know in my life is punctual. Like, either to the T, or early. I am.. the complete opposite. When I tell you I'm gonna get somewhere at a certain time, you should most certainly add 10-12 minutes to that, or else you are gonna end up sorely disappointed. And even though I'm always running late, I expect punctuality from everyone because I know everyone else is always on time. A little messed up, no?

I feel really bad about myself when I do this, I really do. And considering I'm late ALL THE TIME, I pretty much feel really bad about myself ALL THE TIME. There is nothing more crushing than a disappointing look from your loved one, or even worse yet, when they expect it from you. Also, there is nothing worse than that sinking feeling in your stomach, rushing to get to your destination, because you told your boyfriend you were gonna be at his place 15 min ago (just an example). Cue: disappointed look. I seriously don't even know what I do to be so late; time just seems to slip away from me when I am trying to get somewhere. The point is, I'm trying! To get ready faster, to leave the house earlier, to drive faster (haha!), whatever. (I kid about the driving faster part...) I'm not naive enough to make this my New Year's/Month's/Week's resolution and set myself up for failure or anything, but it just means that I'm tired of being late, so I am gonna try extra hard. Jen Shin WILL be punctual. Someday. Somewhat.

cabin fever!

The second blizzard of 2010 hit us yesterday, resulting in another snow day, YAY! Well, it was yay for the first 3 hours, and then it quickly turned into boredom. When I'm at work, all I want to do is to be home, but when I'm at home, as much as there are things waiting for me to do (cleaning my room/life, getting started on the 1st season of 24, reading the gazillion books and magazines on my list...), I don't really want to do any of those things. Weird, right? It's like, I'm never going to be happy where I am. The grass is always greener on the other side, people.

I tried curing my cabin fever by downloading some songs and organizing my iTunes collection, which we all know I have an unhealthy obsession with. I also paid off a couple of bills, threw out some clothes I don't wear anymore, had a lengthy phone convo with good friend Leslie, and video chatted with my buddy Joyce. Well, we attempted to video chat, but technical issues had us just staring at each other type. HA. So I guess the day wasn't all that bad..

And it should only get better; tomorrow I get to see the boy after 3 super long days of not. YES. I didn't think I'd miss him this much, but I did. Which is a good thing, right? :)

sadbones.

Yesterday I found out that I didn't get the job I had applied and interviewed for 2 weeks ago. I knew I wasn't going to get it, cause you just know when you have that feeling in your gut that it didn't go as well as you would've liked it to. But it's still a disappointment when you go through all that trouble for "nothing," right? Well, the way I see it, it wasn't nothing, since it was definitely the first step in getting my feet back in the water of this whole job searching/applying/interviewing process, but it still kinda stings either way.

I'm just so unmotivated at work. My productivity level and work ethic are shot, and I don't know how to get out of this funk. This rejection should be the kick in the butt I need to really start hardcore job applying, but I don't even know if it will be. I've got people around me cheering me on, but I'm just so tired. Though, I attribute the tiredness to my lack of coffee/caffeine, which I am giving up for Lent. Day 1, barely down. 39 more days to go. Yippeeeeeee.

Current Music: Death Cab for Cutie - Marching Bands of Manhattan. The title of my blog is also taken from another great Death Cab song, but I do think Marching Bands is my favorite song from them. And believe me, picking a fave song from their catalog is no easy feat. I just love: Sorrow drips into your heart through a pinhole/Just like a faucet that leaks and there is comfort in the sound

V-Day.

This is my boyfriend Danny. After spending a many Valentine's Days with my wifey and girlfriends, this year I got to spend it with that cutie in Philly. It was.. perfect. It was our first overnight trip, and considering we haven't been dating that long, I thought I was going to be nervous, but surprisingly enough, we've become so comfortable with each other that it was seriously the best day/weekend/trip ever. I'm obviously not gonna write about the details of our trip here, cause I'm not gonna be *that* girl. However, I will say this. The reason why this was the best V-Day ever wasn't because the hotel we stayed at was amazing, or we had delicious food, or even that I spent 30+ hours with a boy I heart. It is because I'm with a boy who makes me feel like this is how every single girl in the world should be treated, and he makes me feel that way everyday. So.. as cliche as this holiday is, I hope everyone got to spend it with the ones they love! Sweet, sweet, sweet. <3

hello.

So. At the urging of my super good friend Suah, I am gonna start writing in this little thing again. It's been almost 2 years since I abandoned this personal blog for my other, more mass-friendly one, but I think writing about my feelings and such (to the readership of 2) will be therapeutic for me. I am, if nothing, an articulate writer. Eh, sometimes (not even..). In person, however, I'm the least articulate person ever, especially when I get flustered. God, I am the worst talker, and I don't know how a college-educated person such as myself can sound so dumb sometimes. Which I'm not, I swear!

Anyhoos. This post is just to get my feet back in the water. Will write about V-day and my love life (!) later.

Current Music: John Mayer - Slow Dancing in a Burning Room. I listen to this song once a day, practically. Ironically, all of this recent hoopla surrounding his controversial Rolling Stone interview only made me reach for this song again. The guy may be the douchiest, but as long as he keeps writing songs like this, I will tolerate him.

Out with the old, in with the new.

So it's already been 1 year since I started this blog. My entries have been random and far in between, something I'm not proud of. I am proud of my work on Life in Boxes though, so there's that silver lining.

I just re-read my very first entry, which talks about my New Year's Resolutions for 2007. Looking back on it, I think 07 was quite an interesting year. I got my first real-world job, I started 2 blogs, I started running (and liking it), I had a lot of fun, I got my heart broken (kinda), and I re-discovered how kick-ass my friends are. A couple of things bogged me down in December, but for all the positives that happened in the year, I'm ready to look at the new year with a new perspective.

For 2008, I vow to:
* reach my target weight loss goal
* have a new job, new career
* log in 624 miles of running (I knocked out 3 today, so 621 more to go)
* run a 5K
* encourage/make everyone I know and who are eligible to to go out and VOTE.
* go on at least 1 international trip (LONDON), at least 1 continental trip
* work on my screenplay and/or short story
* continue writing in this blog as well as in Life in Boxes

All seems do-able. We will see. I love the fresh start of a New Year.

An Open Letter

Dear Britney,

I am one of your biggest fans. Back in the late 90s/early 2000s when you were at the height of your career, it was incredibly easy to be your fan. Look at how cute you used to be, how catchy and fun your songs were. I remember going to your Dream within a Dream tour, being excited to see you despite the fact that you were barely the size of my pinky from the crappy seats we were sitting in.

These days, not so much. I've long learned that to be your fan, you have to take the negatives with the positives, the ups with the downs. So imagine how excited I was when you, the day after appearing on Letterman looking radiant and fit last November, announced your divorce from K-Fed. Here was finally hope that your days of quickie marriages, babies, barefoot in public bathrooms, NO underwear!, and countless other things that caused your once diehard fans SCREAMING from your world, were long gone.

But of course you followed that with what was worse to come yet, your whirlwind of a meltdown- complete with a stint in rehab, partying with Paris, firing/hiring staff, fighting with your family, and of course going apeshit and shaving off your hair.

Just when all hope seemed lost, you released a new single that is, surprisingly, not bad. Is it Baby One More Time/Toxic good? No. But it's hella better than what I thought you would put out. It started to build buzz. Then came news that you would be the opening performance of at the MTV Video Music Awards. A hot new single AND what should be a hot performance?? You are an artist who is known for your killer performances. And of course the VMAs have always been good to you, providing you with a platform to unleash your magic on stage. While there are countless arguments about your lackluster voice and lip synching tendencies, no one can deny your ability to put on a show. The school girl uniform for the Baby One More Time performance. The Madonna makeout for the Like a Virgin performance. And my FAVE, the huge python for the I'm a Slave 4 U performance.

It should have been the COMEBACK OF THE CENTURY. Instead what we got was a stiff performance where you looked bored, off, and not like yourself. Your dancers were gyrating and dancing their hearts out. You were in the middle of it all, not giving even half of that energy. I wanted to stop watching but I couldn't, hoping that you'd throw something big in. But no, it ended just the way it started, and it is probably one of the least memorable, least inspired, least exciting performance I've seen ever. And it's too bad, cause as the show went on your younger, more popular counterparts- Rihanna, Chris Brown, and your peer artists- JT, Kanye, Alicia, put on fun performances. At your best, you could've blown all of them away. But what happened tonight is anyone's guess. Maybe you were nervous. It almost looked like you couldn't move very well, maybe you were hurt. Maybe you were high/drunk. But you weren't you on that stage and that makes me sadder than any craptastic thing you have done in the last 2+ years.

Even I have grown tired of your recent antics and inability to get your head out of the distorted cloud you're in. I can't begin to count how many times I have defended you, your actions, and your mistakes. But it's getting really hard to stand by you and keep waiting for that one redeeming single, album, performance. Everyday is another ridiculous headline (most of which are true rather than not, it seems) or another ridiculous photo opp in which you happily, obligingly invite the paparazzi into your twisted world.

There is a reason why you became a star. There is a reason why you have fans (me included). You have that quality. Why you and other young celebrities deliberately choose to throw away opportunites to showcase your talent for what- drugs, parties, reckless living- is completely beyond me. Wake up. You are not going to be young forever and I know someday you are going to regret not taking your career more seriously. Is that someday going to be when all your fans have left, and you're left with nothing but the past? We're not going to wait forever. I'm tired of hoping that you're going to get your act together. Right now I'm so disappointed that you botched the greatest boost your fast-falling career could have gotten. I'm not blindly defending you anymore. You've had more than enough chances. What happens next is up to you. Get your act together, throw away your pride, work with people who can help bring your career back, STOP giving the tabloids endless things to talk about. You owe it to your kids, to all the naysayers, and most of all, the fans who have made you into the star that you are.



Waiting,
A Still Hopeful (but not for long) Fan.

money money money!

I have that stupid song from the Apprentice stuck in my head. You know, the one that goes, 'money money monaay!' with the shot of his royal highness Trump and his minions walking towards the camera. Anyone?

Anyways, it's been like a month since I wrote anything. Which is a shame cause I said I wasn't going to do that, so let's plunge right back in, shall we?? Um, so this is what I have been thinking a LOT about these days. You know my problem before I was employed was that I wasn't making any money, and now my problem as a working girl is that I am not making enough money. I mean, I don't pay rent and I really don't pay for other basic necessities so I am saving a lot of moolah, but I also can't help but compare myself to my friends and peers who are currently, or will be in the future, making a lot. It's not like money is the most important thing in the world, and I'd hands down choose loving my job and what I do over making oodles of moola any day. Seriously. But like money gets you stuff and as non-materialistic or shallow as one can try to be, there's no denying that it is important in this over-materialistic and consumeralistic (is that a word??) world. I think right now it's ok cause a lot of my friends are still just starting out in the real world and finishing up school and stuff, but what's going to happen when we're all very much in the working world? As much as my pay will be increasing over time, it won't be this exponential growth. I feel like I'm going to have to work twice as long to get something or somewhere, and when you're around friends who will automatically be making a lot more than you're making at the same time, it's just not going to be fun. I really hate being negative about things, and generally I'm not a Debbie Downer despite all of my complaining about everything under the sun, but I think about the future and sometimes I worry. No money, mo problems. Sorry Biggie, but that's my outlook.

It's been a really beautiful couple of days, as the weather in the tri-state area finally hit 60s and up. I love this time of the year, as the days get longer and the warm weather rolls in, you can feel life on every corner. The trees are in full bloom, people are everywhere, the scent of nature hangs in the air. As I was enjoying this nice change of pace I couldn't help but reflect on the events that happened one week ago today. It just seemed especially sad to me that there are people who have been stripped of their lives and their bright futures in a senseless act that has rocked the nation forever. The 32 victims of the Virginia Tech shootings will never see another season change, never feel the warm sun on their faces, never realize the potential that was ahead of them.

For me (and probably for most Korean-Americans/Asians), the case especially hits home. It was inevitable that as soon as the killer was revealed to be Korean, the media would be all over the race card. And of course, the backlash began, with Koreans/Asians fearing for their safety and everyone publicly decrying the acts of Seung-Hui Cho. I understand, and have felt, the anger and confusion and even embarrassment over the fact that something as horrible as this, the worst campus shooting in US history to be exact, was committed by someone who looks like us. But the thing is, as long as this mass murderer wasn't white, there was no way anyone would have escaped the intense scrutiny of racial background in conjunction with the person himself. But what makes me angry about the entire thing is how very few seem to acknowledge just how American Cho was despite not being a full-on citizen. This is a prime example of nature vs. nurture, and how a lonely, withdrawn, unstable person was driven to commit the most unspeakable act as a result of an uncaring and judgmental society and as a result of a lack of resources to help deal with issues regarding mental health.

If this sounds like I'm defending Cho and his heinous actions, I'm not. He ruthlessly shot down 32 people in an act that he had been planning for months. He compared himself to a martyr and likened himself to Jesus Christ. He will be punished for what he did. But there is also no clear-cut villain here. Cho was the product of a society that rejected him and the people who ignored him and cast him off as weird. He grew up in a country where it is ridiculously easy to get a hold of guns, citizen or not, mentally stable or not. It's so easy to just write him off as a person who went mental and planned a massacre, but it's not as easy to see the deep seeded issues that allowed Cho to do what he did.

Of course gun control is a foremost issue here. We need stricter laws, but the only real way to drastically lower the number of people dying in gun violence is to get rid of them, period. That's easier said than done, but it can be done, just ask Britain and Canada, countries that have seen gun violence significantly drop by banning them. But the issue that is most pressing is the one of mental health. Cho was a deeply troubled person and there were warning signs everywhere. There's no use in anyone feeling guilt over what he did because there's no way of turning back time. But things have got to change to ensure more resources on college campuses for people to feel safe. We have to get rid of the still exisiting taboo against mental illness, which is very real and very prevalent in many people's lives. This especially holds true for Asians and Koreans in general, where issues of mental health is still something that is considered taboo. If there is anything us Koreans and us Americans learn from this tragedy, it is to open up a dialogue about how real and gripping mental illness is, and brainstrom and implement things we can do as communities to help those who suffer. It's so easy to write off outcasts as weirdos or whatever, but things are never going to change if we keep not caring. The system failed Cho repeatedly. He was able to squeak on by with minimal tarnish on his official records despite trips to mental hospitals and appearances in courts. It shouldn't have happened, but it did. We have to fix it. We owe that much to the people who have paid with their lives.

my American Idol.

Gwen Stefani is the new Britney Spears. To me, anyway. And no, this doesn't mean that Gwen has replaced the spot I have for Britney in my heart, because frankly, barring she doesn't go on some murdering rampage, I will always love Britney. I don't care what ALL you naysayers say, nor am I going to defend my love. So, moving on. What I mean is that Gwen Stefani is the ultimate pop star/celebrity who can do no wrong in my eyes. She's super cute, super talented (I kinda love anyone who can be self-deprecating enough to admit that they are not the most awesome singer ever), super creative, and like super awesome. Are those not reasons enough??

Like who wouldn't want to be the female lead singer of a cool band? How hot was she during the No Doubt days? And who wouldn't want to star in those elaborate, lush productions like her music videos?? (see: What You Waiting For, Rich Girl, The Sweet Escape videos) Plus I highly enjoy her solo efforts, as they are little nuggets of FUN, unpretentious music with throwbacks to the funky 80s sound. And she made yodeling cool.

But the reason for my tribute to Gwen is for my surprise at how pulled-together and competent she sounded as guest mentor (??) on American Idol last week. When I first heard that she was going to take the kids under her wings, I was like, what kind of advice can she possibly give them, 'Everyone, gyrate your hips a little more!'?? But she was actually pretty insightful, giving sound musical advice. I mean, she really wasn't going on and on about how each contestant should be singing in relation to pitch and tone and other musical terms that are probably important, but she made sense, and she seemed to really connect to them, which is more than I can say about half the other mentors.

Plus I really like the fact that she looks so put together all the time; she was one of the most stylish pregnant woman ever, and she seems to have a good balance between family and career. Look how cute she is being a mother to an even cuter baby Kingston. In no way am I going to be a future rock star-fashion designer-celebrity like Gwen, but I hope I'm that fashionable and trendy and career-minded and family-minded somewhere down the line. So no, I don't believe in idols and worshipping anything other than my God, but I am a fan.

adultswim.com

(click to enlarge)

hahahaha. this is why we don't answer our home phone anymore. =P
and, this is what i'm doing at work. yeah, this rocks.

smile.

Holy, moly, it's been awhile since I last wrote a post. And the last one doesn't really count, since I had YouTube do most of the work for me. =P I wish I could say that it's because I'm super duper busy, but that wouldn't entirely be true. I mean, I'm busy and tired as a working girl, but I really am making excuses if I don't even have time to post something on my blog.

Anyways. Let's actually tie the post into the title. So, why have I been smiling? Well, work's been really good. I had NOTHING to do yesterday and 2 of my bosses were out, but today's been a really productive day. I still don't feel like I'm making a difference in the lives of my bosses, but I think that's just my insecurities talking. I'm sloooowly making my cubicle my own, I have bombarded it with all this Powerpuff Girls stuff, cause they're my favorite ever. Are they not the cutest things ever?? Cartoon Network is releasing the first season on DVD later this year for their 10th Anniversary. Can't wait. Especially since they don't air the show anymore. Sadness.

I also got my very first paycheck yesterday, and if I didn't need the money to pay off my ridiculous Anthropologie bill (I made a killing there the other day) or the other superfluous stuff I tend to buy, I would have it framed. Maybe I'll just make a copy of it and frame it. It's not like it's a huge amount of money or anything, though it is a bigger number than I've ever gotten in one lump sum, but it's like my official entrance into the working world, my ticket into the Big Boys Club. Plus, (hopefully) one day I'll look back on it and be like "oh hahahaha I remember thoooose days, glad I'm making soooooooo much more now." Haha. A girl can dream.

Oh, and one more happy news. The Shin Family is finally getting cable. Like 15 years after everyone else. It's a big deal. My dad is still iffy about it though. It's like COME ON! He says he's "allowing" this because I'm paying for it and he can't stop me, and that I'll probably be the only one watching it and I won't even have time to watch it. Let's fast forward to week 2 when he's discovered the Nature channel and Animal Planet and ESPN and whatever else old men are into, and we'll be fighting for the remote. So, yeah. It'll be like 70 bucks a month for all the channels and DVR (Tivo's more expensive), and I think I can manage that, especially since I'm not paying anything else to live there. =P I need to call and make an appointment, but MTV here I come~! I'm just excited to watch the Hills in real time. Team Lauren!

current music: still Lily Allen. I want to go see her at the Irving in April, but tickets are $120. I don't think I want to pay that much. Boooo.

Shut up and Sing.

I know I already wrote a whole post on the Dixie Chicks, but I kinda love them. More so now that I've actually seen this film. The trailer gave me goosebumps! The film itself is even better. It was a really entertaining inside look at not only all the controversy surrounding the group, but the music industry too. I tried to get Joyce to netflix it, to no avail. :T

And in one of my favorite scenes from the whole film:

Natalie Maines: [after reading that George Bush thinks they shouldn't have their feelings hurt for people boycotting them] They shouldn't have their feelings hurt?? What a dumb fuck!
Natalie Maines: [looks into camera] You're a dumb fuck.

hahaha, i LOVE it.

the morning after.

My Super Bowl of the year, the Oscars, is over, and it was a pretty standard affair, really long and a bit predictable. All the actors who were expected to to take home the coveted prize won, except for the surprise win of Alan Arkin for Little Miss Sunshine. Well deserved, but I felt bad for Eddie Murphy, who was the frontrunner the entire awards season. It must be tough to have so many people tell you you're going to win and then not, as opposed to being the underdog that ends up winning. Anyways. Didn't think Little Miss Sunshine was going to win Best Picture, but didn't expect the Departed to win either. My guess is that the polarizing Babel and the sunny Little Miss Sunshine split the Academy voters, leaving the Departed wide open to take the big prize. Oh well.


I love fashion, and there's no greater night for fashion than the Oscars. Here are some of my picks for favorite dresses. I'm not going to waste my time on what I thought were 'eh' or downright awful.


Nicole Kidman in a beautiful red Balenciaga column dress. LOVE it! She was so pretty and spot-on with the whole package-red lips, straight blonde hair. I don't think just anyone could have pulled off this look, especially with the big bow on the side that could have looked ridiculous if not done well. Remember the disaster that was Charlize Theron's dress last year? Bows work sometimes, especially when pulled off in a classy way (are you listening, Anne Hathaway??).


I think J.Lo is the best dressed woman in Hollywood, hands down. Everyone has misses along with hits, but I think her track record shows more hits than not. This lavender Marchesa gown was very diva, very Grecian, but with a pretty feminine twist. I think her short curly bob goes really well with the dress, and I like the fact that she didn't wear much other jewelry, to draw attention to all the bling on her chest and back.

Can you say Team Reese?? She looks SO good! Take that, cheating Ryan Phillippe. I love her bangs, and I LOVE this purple dress! I like how this Nina Ricci dress is plain and simple enough at the top, then opens to a full on tiered, frilly, multi-layered gown. I don't normally love purple, but the shade(s) of this dress would make any Wellesley '06er proud.



Rachel Weisz is always really pretty, but I loved her in this metallic Vera Wang gown with the built in jewels in the bust and the train. I think she could've done without the necklace, as it takes away from the jewels by her chest, but overall, it's a beautiful gown. She looks like the perfect companion to Mr. Gold himself, the Oscar.



I didn't like the dress Beyonce wore to the Oscars itself, but this red number she had on during her Dreamgirls performance was really pretty. I couldn't find a better picture and I don't know who designed it, but I remember really liking it the entire time she was on stage. I love sashes and frilliness. Beyonce is SO over-the-top with her red carpet frocks most of the time, but I really liked this dress.

And finally, because I can:

I love Gael Garcia Bernal and Diego Luna separately, but together?? Le sigh.

one week down

I've really been meaning to write this post like the night of my first day of work, but I've been so tired and sick that I just couldn't. I started sleeping this week at *gasp* 11:00. That may not seem late to some people, but that's early for me. I don't really believe in sleeping before midnight, for fear that I might miss out on something. What, I don't know, but magic happens. It doesn't matter anyway, cause even when I sleep at 11, I'm up half the night coughing. And because I have to wake up at 6:50 everyday, I think I have barely been getting 5 hours of sleep per night. But I'm not sleepy at work, mainly because I have adrenaline constantly running through my body from the realization that I actually have a job.

Anyways, there are a million reasons why I am so grateful for my job and the company and the people that I work with, none of which I am going to detail in this post. And even though I am only three days in, I think I'll be enjoying this for a long time. In fact, I have to. It's what I've always wanted. The other day after what seemed like a really long day of work, I was walking home from the bus stop when KT Tunstall's Suddenly I See came up on my ipod. That's when it finally hit me. I am living my dream. Don't get me wrong, I still don't know what I want to do with my life, and part of my dream isn't living at my parents' home in Palisades Park (which does have its perks, btw), but I'm doing what I imagined myself to be doing after college ended. It took 8 months to get to this point, but here I am, working at a really cool place, in the city no less, and I am enjoying what I'm doing and getting paid for it. Who knows if I'll be at Cartoon Network or at Turner for the rest of my career. That's not important. What's important is that it's a step in the direction I want to go, and there are a million roads I can take from here. Life is good, and God is great. I really feel His overwhelming love, and the way events have transpired in the past few weeks is proof of His grace. And it's up to me to express my gratitude for everything that is my life by working hard and being the best I can be, not only at my job but with everything. I'm up for the challenge. I think. No, I am! Yes, I am.

unemployed, no mo.

After months and months of sending out resumes/cover letters, going on interviews, getting rejected, and hitting low points, I have finally landed a job. I'm still in shock right now, and I don't think the high I'm feeling is going to wear off until this weekend is over, right about when I start getting nervous about the whole going-to-work-after-months-of-doing-nothing thing. I talked to my parents and they were happy too, which is pretty awesome considering I think they had given up all hope on me at this point.

So yeah. I'm going to be employed by Turner Broadcasting, at Cartoon Network, as a Team Assistant. What will I be doing? Pretty much being the right-hand man to 3 Account Executives- making phone calls, writing letters, scheduling meetings, etc. It'll be fun and exciting, and I'll be working in TV, which is super duper cool. I hope this is what it takes my dad to finally let me install cable at home.

Things are finally looking up, though my health isn't at the moment. I have a cold that has been pretty bad thus far. I'm coughing like crazy and because of that pressure, my head feels like it's going to split open any minute. I'm also coming off of a really nasty pink-eye like infection, which I caught from one of the kids at TCCC. I guess it was his goodbye present to me. =P The amount of gross discharge coming out of my eyes the first night was disgusting. Bleh. A $100 trip to the optometrist (thank goodness I will have health insurance from now on) and constantly putting in medicated eyedrops in my eyes have made the infection almost non-existent, though I have to wear glasses for another week. I need to rest up before Wednesday!

<3.

A little late, but happy Valentine's Day, courtesy of my favorite secret from this week's PostSecret V-day edition.

not ready to make nice.

A week has passed since my grandpa's death, and though it hasn't gotten any easier, life goes on. I went on my important interview. I got really into all my favorite shows. I started another part-time gig at my uncle's company. I met up with Stella and Adam over the weekend. I taught Sunday school. The world moves on, and I'm marching on too.

So. I half watched the Grammys on Sunday, and the Dixie Chicks cleaned the house out, winning like all the important awards. Good for them. I'm not a country music fan, but I kind of like them. I totally dig their we're-going-to-say-what- we-want-so-whatever-to-all-you-naysayers attitude, plus their version of Fleetwood Mac's Landslide is so so good. I really wanted to see Shut Up and Sing, a documentary about the fallout of their anti-Bush comment a couple of years ago, but since it wasn't playing anywhere around me, I will just have to netflix it when it's released on DVD.

The degree of hatred the Dixie Chicks received because of their political views was frightening if only because it undermined the idea of freedom of speech in this country. The whole boycott/death threats against the group regarding the incident was ridiculous, and it just highlighted the very worst of our country (kinda like what Borat did) and the worst in the American people, albeit a very selective group. All those people who boycotted the band and threw CD burning bonfires or whatever, did it all in the name of patriotism- basically, "The Dixie Chicks said something unpatriotic about Bush, we're going to show just how patriotic we are by publicly hating on them." The very essence of patriotism is wholeheartedly believing in the things America stands for, and our right to speak what we want is a huge part that. So yeah, you've really proven just how patriotic you are by denying someone their right to free speech. Ok, so I do understand why people were upset when it all happened and I see the flip side, because if I felt strongly about Bush and his administration and going to war, I might have taken offense at what Natalie Maines said. But a simple comment was that- a simple comment. She apologized (which she later retracted), the band clarified their stance on everything from Iraq to Bush to their love for this country, and yet people were so unforgiving. So yeah, there is a part of me that is very happy every time the Dixie Chicks sell millions of albums and win all these awards. You go girls.

current music: Lily Allen - Alright, Still album. A lot of female artists have caught my eyes (or rather, my ears) lately- Regina Spektor, Amy Winehouse, Lily Allen. I haven't heard the albums from the other two, but I recently bought Alright, Still off the strength of the first single, Smile, and I LOVE it. She's like a British Gwen Stefani, sans the heavy 80s overtones. Her lyrics are cheeky, her beats are quirky, and she oozes cool. What is not to like? My favorite songs so far are Smile, Take What You Take, and Alfie.