An Open Letter

Dear Britney,

I am one of your biggest fans. Back in the late 90s/early 2000s when you were at the height of your career, it was incredibly easy to be your fan. Look at how cute you used to be, how catchy and fun your songs were. I remember going to your Dream within a Dream tour, being excited to see you despite the fact that you were barely the size of my pinky from the crappy seats we were sitting in.

These days, not so much. I've long learned that to be your fan, you have to take the negatives with the positives, the ups with the downs. So imagine how excited I was when you, the day after appearing on Letterman looking radiant and fit last November, announced your divorce from K-Fed. Here was finally hope that your days of quickie marriages, babies, barefoot in public bathrooms, NO underwear!, and countless other things that caused your once diehard fans SCREAMING from your world, were long gone.

But of course you followed that with what was worse to come yet, your whirlwind of a meltdown- complete with a stint in rehab, partying with Paris, firing/hiring staff, fighting with your family, and of course going apeshit and shaving off your hair.

Just when all hope seemed lost, you released a new single that is, surprisingly, not bad. Is it Baby One More Time/Toxic good? No. But it's hella better than what I thought you would put out. It started to build buzz. Then came news that you would be the opening performance of at the MTV Video Music Awards. A hot new single AND what should be a hot performance?? You are an artist who is known for your killer performances. And of course the VMAs have always been good to you, providing you with a platform to unleash your magic on stage. While there are countless arguments about your lackluster voice and lip synching tendencies, no one can deny your ability to put on a show. The school girl uniform for the Baby One More Time performance. The Madonna makeout for the Like a Virgin performance. And my FAVE, the huge python for the I'm a Slave 4 U performance.

It should have been the COMEBACK OF THE CENTURY. Instead what we got was a stiff performance where you looked bored, off, and not like yourself. Your dancers were gyrating and dancing their hearts out. You were in the middle of it all, not giving even half of that energy. I wanted to stop watching but I couldn't, hoping that you'd throw something big in. But no, it ended just the way it started, and it is probably one of the least memorable, least inspired, least exciting performance I've seen ever. And it's too bad, cause as the show went on your younger, more popular counterparts- Rihanna, Chris Brown, and your peer artists- JT, Kanye, Alicia, put on fun performances. At your best, you could've blown all of them away. But what happened tonight is anyone's guess. Maybe you were nervous. It almost looked like you couldn't move very well, maybe you were hurt. Maybe you were high/drunk. But you weren't you on that stage and that makes me sadder than any craptastic thing you have done in the last 2+ years.

Even I have grown tired of your recent antics and inability to get your head out of the distorted cloud you're in. I can't begin to count how many times I have defended you, your actions, and your mistakes. But it's getting really hard to stand by you and keep waiting for that one redeeming single, album, performance. Everyday is another ridiculous headline (most of which are true rather than not, it seems) or another ridiculous photo opp in which you happily, obligingly invite the paparazzi into your twisted world.

There is a reason why you became a star. There is a reason why you have fans (me included). You have that quality. Why you and other young celebrities deliberately choose to throw away opportunites to showcase your talent for what- drugs, parties, reckless living- is completely beyond me. Wake up. You are not going to be young forever and I know someday you are going to regret not taking your career more seriously. Is that someday going to be when all your fans have left, and you're left with nothing but the past? We're not going to wait forever. I'm tired of hoping that you're going to get your act together. Right now I'm so disappointed that you botched the greatest boost your fast-falling career could have gotten. I'm not blindly defending you anymore. You've had more than enough chances. What happens next is up to you. Get your act together, throw away your pride, work with people who can help bring your career back, STOP giving the tabloids endless things to talk about. You owe it to your kids, to all the naysayers, and most of all, the fans who have made you into the star that you are.



Waiting,
A Still Hopeful (but not for long) Fan.

money money money!

I have that stupid song from the Apprentice stuck in my head. You know, the one that goes, 'money money monaay!' with the shot of his royal highness Trump and his minions walking towards the camera. Anyone?

Anyways, it's been like a month since I wrote anything. Which is a shame cause I said I wasn't going to do that, so let's plunge right back in, shall we?? Um, so this is what I have been thinking a LOT about these days. You know my problem before I was employed was that I wasn't making any money, and now my problem as a working girl is that I am not making enough money. I mean, I don't pay rent and I really don't pay for other basic necessities so I am saving a lot of moolah, but I also can't help but compare myself to my friends and peers who are currently, or will be in the future, making a lot. It's not like money is the most important thing in the world, and I'd hands down choose loving my job and what I do over making oodles of moola any day. Seriously. But like money gets you stuff and as non-materialistic or shallow as one can try to be, there's no denying that it is important in this over-materialistic and consumeralistic (is that a word??) world. I think right now it's ok cause a lot of my friends are still just starting out in the real world and finishing up school and stuff, but what's going to happen when we're all very much in the working world? As much as my pay will be increasing over time, it won't be this exponential growth. I feel like I'm going to have to work twice as long to get something or somewhere, and when you're around friends who will automatically be making a lot more than you're making at the same time, it's just not going to be fun. I really hate being negative about things, and generally I'm not a Debbie Downer despite all of my complaining about everything under the sun, but I think about the future and sometimes I worry. No money, mo problems. Sorry Biggie, but that's my outlook.

It's been a really beautiful couple of days, as the weather in the tri-state area finally hit 60s and up. I love this time of the year, as the days get longer and the warm weather rolls in, you can feel life on every corner. The trees are in full bloom, people are everywhere, the scent of nature hangs in the air. As I was enjoying this nice change of pace I couldn't help but reflect on the events that happened one week ago today. It just seemed especially sad to me that there are people who have been stripped of their lives and their bright futures in a senseless act that has rocked the nation forever. The 32 victims of the Virginia Tech shootings will never see another season change, never feel the warm sun on their faces, never realize the potential that was ahead of them.

For me (and probably for most Korean-Americans/Asians), the case especially hits home. It was inevitable that as soon as the killer was revealed to be Korean, the media would be all over the race card. And of course, the backlash began, with Koreans/Asians fearing for their safety and everyone publicly decrying the acts of Seung-Hui Cho. I understand, and have felt, the anger and confusion and even embarrassment over the fact that something as horrible as this, the worst campus shooting in US history to be exact, was committed by someone who looks like us. But the thing is, as long as this mass murderer wasn't white, there was no way anyone would have escaped the intense scrutiny of racial background in conjunction with the person himself. But what makes me angry about the entire thing is how very few seem to acknowledge just how American Cho was despite not being a full-on citizen. This is a prime example of nature vs. nurture, and how a lonely, withdrawn, unstable person was driven to commit the most unspeakable act as a result of an uncaring and judgmental society and as a result of a lack of resources to help deal with issues regarding mental health.

If this sounds like I'm defending Cho and his heinous actions, I'm not. He ruthlessly shot down 32 people in an act that he had been planning for months. He compared himself to a martyr and likened himself to Jesus Christ. He will be punished for what he did. But there is also no clear-cut villain here. Cho was the product of a society that rejected him and the people who ignored him and cast him off as weird. He grew up in a country where it is ridiculously easy to get a hold of guns, citizen or not, mentally stable or not. It's so easy to just write him off as a person who went mental and planned a massacre, but it's not as easy to see the deep seeded issues that allowed Cho to do what he did.

Of course gun control is a foremost issue here. We need stricter laws, but the only real way to drastically lower the number of people dying in gun violence is to get rid of them, period. That's easier said than done, but it can be done, just ask Britain and Canada, countries that have seen gun violence significantly drop by banning them. But the issue that is most pressing is the one of mental health. Cho was a deeply troubled person and there were warning signs everywhere. There's no use in anyone feeling guilt over what he did because there's no way of turning back time. But things have got to change to ensure more resources on college campuses for people to feel safe. We have to get rid of the still exisiting taboo against mental illness, which is very real and very prevalent in many people's lives. This especially holds true for Asians and Koreans in general, where issues of mental health is still something that is considered taboo. If there is anything us Koreans and us Americans learn from this tragedy, it is to open up a dialogue about how real and gripping mental illness is, and brainstrom and implement things we can do as communities to help those who suffer. It's so easy to write off outcasts as weirdos or whatever, but things are never going to change if we keep not caring. The system failed Cho repeatedly. He was able to squeak on by with minimal tarnish on his official records despite trips to mental hospitals and appearances in courts. It shouldn't have happened, but it did. We have to fix it. We owe that much to the people who have paid with their lives.

my American Idol.

Gwen Stefani is the new Britney Spears. To me, anyway. And no, this doesn't mean that Gwen has replaced the spot I have for Britney in my heart, because frankly, barring she doesn't go on some murdering rampage, I will always love Britney. I don't care what ALL you naysayers say, nor am I going to defend my love. So, moving on. What I mean is that Gwen Stefani is the ultimate pop star/celebrity who can do no wrong in my eyes. She's super cute, super talented (I kinda love anyone who can be self-deprecating enough to admit that they are not the most awesome singer ever), super creative, and like super awesome. Are those not reasons enough??

Like who wouldn't want to be the female lead singer of a cool band? How hot was she during the No Doubt days? And who wouldn't want to star in those elaborate, lush productions like her music videos?? (see: What You Waiting For, Rich Girl, The Sweet Escape videos) Plus I highly enjoy her solo efforts, as they are little nuggets of FUN, unpretentious music with throwbacks to the funky 80s sound. And she made yodeling cool.

But the reason for my tribute to Gwen is for my surprise at how pulled-together and competent she sounded as guest mentor (??) on American Idol last week. When I first heard that she was going to take the kids under her wings, I was like, what kind of advice can she possibly give them, 'Everyone, gyrate your hips a little more!'?? But she was actually pretty insightful, giving sound musical advice. I mean, she really wasn't going on and on about how each contestant should be singing in relation to pitch and tone and other musical terms that are probably important, but she made sense, and she seemed to really connect to them, which is more than I can say about half the other mentors.

Plus I really like the fact that she looks so put together all the time; she was one of the most stylish pregnant woman ever, and she seems to have a good balance between family and career. Look how cute she is being a mother to an even cuter baby Kingston. In no way am I going to be a future rock star-fashion designer-celebrity like Gwen, but I hope I'm that fashionable and trendy and career-minded and family-minded somewhere down the line. So no, I don't believe in idols and worshipping anything other than my God, but I am a fan.

adultswim.com

(click to enlarge)

hahahaha. this is why we don't answer our home phone anymore. =P
and, this is what i'm doing at work. yeah, this rocks.

smile.

Holy, moly, it's been awhile since I last wrote a post. And the last one doesn't really count, since I had YouTube do most of the work for me. =P I wish I could say that it's because I'm super duper busy, but that wouldn't entirely be true. I mean, I'm busy and tired as a working girl, but I really am making excuses if I don't even have time to post something on my blog.

Anyways. Let's actually tie the post into the title. So, why have I been smiling? Well, work's been really good. I had NOTHING to do yesterday and 2 of my bosses were out, but today's been a really productive day. I still don't feel like I'm making a difference in the lives of my bosses, but I think that's just my insecurities talking. I'm sloooowly making my cubicle my own, I have bombarded it with all this Powerpuff Girls stuff, cause they're my favorite ever. Are they not the cutest things ever?? Cartoon Network is releasing the first season on DVD later this year for their 10th Anniversary. Can't wait. Especially since they don't air the show anymore. Sadness.

I also got my very first paycheck yesterday, and if I didn't need the money to pay off my ridiculous Anthropologie bill (I made a killing there the other day) or the other superfluous stuff I tend to buy, I would have it framed. Maybe I'll just make a copy of it and frame it. It's not like it's a huge amount of money or anything, though it is a bigger number than I've ever gotten in one lump sum, but it's like my official entrance into the working world, my ticket into the Big Boys Club. Plus, (hopefully) one day I'll look back on it and be like "oh hahahaha I remember thoooose days, glad I'm making soooooooo much more now." Haha. A girl can dream.

Oh, and one more happy news. The Shin Family is finally getting cable. Like 15 years after everyone else. It's a big deal. My dad is still iffy about it though. It's like COME ON! He says he's "allowing" this because I'm paying for it and he can't stop me, and that I'll probably be the only one watching it and I won't even have time to watch it. Let's fast forward to week 2 when he's discovered the Nature channel and Animal Planet and ESPN and whatever else old men are into, and we'll be fighting for the remote. So, yeah. It'll be like 70 bucks a month for all the channels and DVR (Tivo's more expensive), and I think I can manage that, especially since I'm not paying anything else to live there. =P I need to call and make an appointment, but MTV here I come~! I'm just excited to watch the Hills in real time. Team Lauren!

current music: still Lily Allen. I want to go see her at the Irving in April, but tickets are $120. I don't think I want to pay that much. Boooo.

Shut up and Sing.

I know I already wrote a whole post on the Dixie Chicks, but I kinda love them. More so now that I've actually seen this film. The trailer gave me goosebumps! The film itself is even better. It was a really entertaining inside look at not only all the controversy surrounding the group, but the music industry too. I tried to get Joyce to netflix it, to no avail. :T

And in one of my favorite scenes from the whole film:

Natalie Maines: [after reading that George Bush thinks they shouldn't have their feelings hurt for people boycotting them] They shouldn't have their feelings hurt?? What a dumb fuck!
Natalie Maines: [looks into camera] You're a dumb fuck.

hahaha, i LOVE it.

the morning after.

My Super Bowl of the year, the Oscars, is over, and it was a pretty standard affair, really long and a bit predictable. All the actors who were expected to to take home the coveted prize won, except for the surprise win of Alan Arkin for Little Miss Sunshine. Well deserved, but I felt bad for Eddie Murphy, who was the frontrunner the entire awards season. It must be tough to have so many people tell you you're going to win and then not, as opposed to being the underdog that ends up winning. Anyways. Didn't think Little Miss Sunshine was going to win Best Picture, but didn't expect the Departed to win either. My guess is that the polarizing Babel and the sunny Little Miss Sunshine split the Academy voters, leaving the Departed wide open to take the big prize. Oh well.


I love fashion, and there's no greater night for fashion than the Oscars. Here are some of my picks for favorite dresses. I'm not going to waste my time on what I thought were 'eh' or downright awful.


Nicole Kidman in a beautiful red Balenciaga column dress. LOVE it! She was so pretty and spot-on with the whole package-red lips, straight blonde hair. I don't think just anyone could have pulled off this look, especially with the big bow on the side that could have looked ridiculous if not done well. Remember the disaster that was Charlize Theron's dress last year? Bows work sometimes, especially when pulled off in a classy way (are you listening, Anne Hathaway??).


I think J.Lo is the best dressed woman in Hollywood, hands down. Everyone has misses along with hits, but I think her track record shows more hits than not. This lavender Marchesa gown was very diva, very Grecian, but with a pretty feminine twist. I think her short curly bob goes really well with the dress, and I like the fact that she didn't wear much other jewelry, to draw attention to all the bling on her chest and back.

Can you say Team Reese?? She looks SO good! Take that, cheating Ryan Phillippe. I love her bangs, and I LOVE this purple dress! I like how this Nina Ricci dress is plain and simple enough at the top, then opens to a full on tiered, frilly, multi-layered gown. I don't normally love purple, but the shade(s) of this dress would make any Wellesley '06er proud.



Rachel Weisz is always really pretty, but I loved her in this metallic Vera Wang gown with the built in jewels in the bust and the train. I think she could've done without the necklace, as it takes away from the jewels by her chest, but overall, it's a beautiful gown. She looks like the perfect companion to Mr. Gold himself, the Oscar.



I didn't like the dress Beyonce wore to the Oscars itself, but this red number she had on during her Dreamgirls performance was really pretty. I couldn't find a better picture and I don't know who designed it, but I remember really liking it the entire time she was on stage. I love sashes and frilliness. Beyonce is SO over-the-top with her red carpet frocks most of the time, but I really liked this dress.

And finally, because I can:

I love Gael Garcia Bernal and Diego Luna separately, but together?? Le sigh.

one week down

I've really been meaning to write this post like the night of my first day of work, but I've been so tired and sick that I just couldn't. I started sleeping this week at *gasp* 11:00. That may not seem late to some people, but that's early for me. I don't really believe in sleeping before midnight, for fear that I might miss out on something. What, I don't know, but magic happens. It doesn't matter anyway, cause even when I sleep at 11, I'm up half the night coughing. And because I have to wake up at 6:50 everyday, I think I have barely been getting 5 hours of sleep per night. But I'm not sleepy at work, mainly because I have adrenaline constantly running through my body from the realization that I actually have a job.

Anyways, there are a million reasons why I am so grateful for my job and the company and the people that I work with, none of which I am going to detail in this post. And even though I am only three days in, I think I'll be enjoying this for a long time. In fact, I have to. It's what I've always wanted. The other day after what seemed like a really long day of work, I was walking home from the bus stop when KT Tunstall's Suddenly I See came up on my ipod. That's when it finally hit me. I am living my dream. Don't get me wrong, I still don't know what I want to do with my life, and part of my dream isn't living at my parents' home in Palisades Park (which does have its perks, btw), but I'm doing what I imagined myself to be doing after college ended. It took 8 months to get to this point, but here I am, working at a really cool place, in the city no less, and I am enjoying what I'm doing and getting paid for it. Who knows if I'll be at Cartoon Network or at Turner for the rest of my career. That's not important. What's important is that it's a step in the direction I want to go, and there are a million roads I can take from here. Life is good, and God is great. I really feel His overwhelming love, and the way events have transpired in the past few weeks is proof of His grace. And it's up to me to express my gratitude for everything that is my life by working hard and being the best I can be, not only at my job but with everything. I'm up for the challenge. I think. No, I am! Yes, I am.

unemployed, no mo.

After months and months of sending out resumes/cover letters, going on interviews, getting rejected, and hitting low points, I have finally landed a job. I'm still in shock right now, and I don't think the high I'm feeling is going to wear off until this weekend is over, right about when I start getting nervous about the whole going-to-work-after-months-of-doing-nothing thing. I talked to my parents and they were happy too, which is pretty awesome considering I think they had given up all hope on me at this point.

So yeah. I'm going to be employed by Turner Broadcasting, at Cartoon Network, as a Team Assistant. What will I be doing? Pretty much being the right-hand man to 3 Account Executives- making phone calls, writing letters, scheduling meetings, etc. It'll be fun and exciting, and I'll be working in TV, which is super duper cool. I hope this is what it takes my dad to finally let me install cable at home.

Things are finally looking up, though my health isn't at the moment. I have a cold that has been pretty bad thus far. I'm coughing like crazy and because of that pressure, my head feels like it's going to split open any minute. I'm also coming off of a really nasty pink-eye like infection, which I caught from one of the kids at TCCC. I guess it was his goodbye present to me. =P The amount of gross discharge coming out of my eyes the first night was disgusting. Bleh. A $100 trip to the optometrist (thank goodness I will have health insurance from now on) and constantly putting in medicated eyedrops in my eyes have made the infection almost non-existent, though I have to wear glasses for another week. I need to rest up before Wednesday!

<3.

A little late, but happy Valentine's Day, courtesy of my favorite secret from this week's PostSecret V-day edition.

not ready to make nice.

A week has passed since my grandpa's death, and though it hasn't gotten any easier, life goes on. I went on my important interview. I got really into all my favorite shows. I started another part-time gig at my uncle's company. I met up with Stella and Adam over the weekend. I taught Sunday school. The world moves on, and I'm marching on too.

So. I half watched the Grammys on Sunday, and the Dixie Chicks cleaned the house out, winning like all the important awards. Good for them. I'm not a country music fan, but I kind of like them. I totally dig their we're-going-to-say-what- we-want-so-whatever-to-all-you-naysayers attitude, plus their version of Fleetwood Mac's Landslide is so so good. I really wanted to see Shut Up and Sing, a documentary about the fallout of their anti-Bush comment a couple of years ago, but since it wasn't playing anywhere around me, I will just have to netflix it when it's released on DVD.

The degree of hatred the Dixie Chicks received because of their political views was frightening if only because it undermined the idea of freedom of speech in this country. The whole boycott/death threats against the group regarding the incident was ridiculous, and it just highlighted the very worst of our country (kinda like what Borat did) and the worst in the American people, albeit a very selective group. All those people who boycotted the band and threw CD burning bonfires or whatever, did it all in the name of patriotism- basically, "The Dixie Chicks said something unpatriotic about Bush, we're going to show just how patriotic we are by publicly hating on them." The very essence of patriotism is wholeheartedly believing in the things America stands for, and our right to speak what we want is a huge part that. So yeah, you've really proven just how patriotic you are by denying someone their right to free speech. Ok, so I do understand why people were upset when it all happened and I see the flip side, because if I felt strongly about Bush and his administration and going to war, I might have taken offense at what Natalie Maines said. But a simple comment was that- a simple comment. She apologized (which she later retracted), the band clarified their stance on everything from Iraq to Bush to their love for this country, and yet people were so unforgiving. So yeah, there is a part of me that is very happy every time the Dixie Chicks sell millions of albums and win all these awards. You go girls.

current music: Lily Allen - Alright, Still album. A lot of female artists have caught my eyes (or rather, my ears) lately- Regina Spektor, Amy Winehouse, Lily Allen. I haven't heard the albums from the other two, but I recently bought Alright, Still off the strength of the first single, Smile, and I LOVE it. She's like a British Gwen Stefani, sans the heavy 80s overtones. Her lyrics are cheeky, her beats are quirky, and she oozes cool. What is not to like? My favorite songs so far are Smile, Take What You Take, and Alfie.

a tribute.

A little part of me died yesterday, when I found out that my beloved, beloved grandfather passed away at the ripe old age of 88. It would be an understatement to say that I loved him; he was a huge part of my life for so long, and I am nothing but utterly grateful to him for his love. It kills me to think how this wonderful man passed on so unexpectedly, alone, and in pain. And this minor post on an internet blog doesn't really do any justice to one of my favorite people in the world, but I just needed to gather my reeling emotions down and articulate some of the love I feel for him.

My grandpa was my best friend for a really long time. He came to the States when I was born to help take care of me, and I saw more of him than my own parents, who were busy working, for a good part of my childhood. His big physical build and stern manner might have been slightly intimidating to some, but to me, he was always this really sweet, really gentle giant who truly loved me unconditionally. Even when he went back to Korea after I became old enough to be home alone, I like to believe that we had a bond that transcended miles of distance. It was always so uplifiting to talk to him on the phone, as he had only the kindest things to say, and was encouraging in every way.

I finally got a chance to see him for the first time in a long time when I spent months in Korea back in 2005. It struck me just how old he had gotten; he was no longer this big, seemingly invincible man. The effects of time certainly showed on him, from the deepened wrinkles on his face to his slowed down movements to his much thinner body. Honestly, we didn't have tons to talk about (there's only so much a man in his late 80s and a woman in her young 20s can really relate to for hours on end), but being with him and next to him was the greatest feeling ever. Of course the thought that this might be the last time I'd see him was always present in my mind, but I was holding out on the hope that he'd live well into his 90s, and maybe even come visit us in the States. If I had known then that that would be the last time I'd ever see him, I would have hugged him harder, I would have taken more pictures of/with him (I have so little pictures of him from my Korea trip), I would have thanked him for everything he'd done for me, and I certainly wouldn't have wasted time not being with him when I could.

The last time I talked to him was a month ago, and he sounded better than he had in a long time. Perhaps that's why his death came as such a shock to me. He was loving as usual, and completely encouraging about my non-job situation (though he did say I should go to grad school instead); never did I think that that was the last time I'd ever hear his perfect voice again. And now I can't stop thinking about him, and his life, and his death, and how as I am writing this he is being buried in his hometown, and how I just want to be able to rewind time to when he was healthy and alive.

It hurts so much. In all my years of experiencing deaths (not that many, thank goodness) and broken relationships/friendships, I don't think I've ever truly known what a broken heart feels like until this. The world looks a bit less brighter and my life feels a bit less full. My heart is broken. And while I know that the pain will subside and I will get over it, life is still never going to be the same. I will never forget the events of Saturday, from the utter devastation and panic in my aunt's voice as she broke the news to me to the look on my mom's face when I had to in turn break the news to her. I will always see him in the small and big things- whoppers from Burger King (his favorite), dentures (I found his toothless grin, when he had taken them out for the night, so endearing), peanut butter (a staple in his ham-egg-cheese-lettuce-tomato-mayo breakfasdt sandwiches), bald old men, and of course, other grandfather-grandchild relationships.

I wish he has seen me land my first post-college job. I wish he had had the chance to come to the States again, as he had wanted to do for a long time. The first thing I would have done would have been to take him to Burger King. I wish he had seen his two youngest children get married. I wish, I wish, I wish. I can't continue to wish for things that are obviously not going to happen, but I also can't help it right now in my state of mind. And I know he wasn't a perfect man, as he was prone to angry outbursts and being terribly hard on people around him, but none of that matters. I never had any of that directed towards me. I know I really did have a special place in his heart. He truly believed that I could do anything. And I am going to make sure his belief in me wasn't for nothing. I am the little girl he loved, and I will be the woman he believed I could be.

Goodbye January.

Wow. It's the last day of January already. It's been a month since we've welcomed 2007, how crazy is that?? Ok, so I hope that February will be another month of productiveness and gym-going (at the cheaper and cleaner NYSC). I kind of set a goal for myself that I will be employed by this coming March, though I don't really know how I'm going to punish myself if I'm not. I guess the pure torture and humiliation of being unemployed for so long will take care of that.

Some things I'm looking forward to in February: my paycheck!, chocolates for Valentine's Day, all the pink and red stuff that will be all over the place in lieu of that day, February sweeps, the cook-off, the Oscars.

Currently tv: Weeds Season 1 (I HEART Mary-Louise Parker, she's so talented and pretty)

Current music: Augustana - Boston, Mika - Grace Kelly, Beyonce - Listen

Catch & Release

Last night the girls and I went to see Catch & Release, the new romantic comedy starring Jennifer Garner, who (whom??) I have loved since ALIAS, my favorite show of all time. I think I went to see it more for her than the movie itself, because its trailer kind of makes it look like a generic, mediocre, "eh, I'll just catch this on DVD" kind of movie. Which actually, is just my kind of movie (I don't have very high standards, I guess) so never mind.

This isn't your typical boy-meets-girl, boy-and-girl-fall-in-love, boy-and-girl-encounter-conflict, and boy-and-girl-live-happily-ever-after type of romantic comedy. Jennifer Garner plays Gray, a woman who has just lost her fiancee and is attending his funeral on the day they were supposed to be married. Through the course of the movie, she discovers huge and disturbing things about him that she never knew while he was alive, and ultimately ends up discovering things about herself because of it. Of course, there's a good amount of romance involved, as she strikes up a relationship with her dead fiancee's friend Fritz (played by Timothy Olyphant, who looks like Josh Duhamel).

I can't say that a lot of the movie isn't predictable, because it is. But it's not bogged down by corny dialogue and cliche characters, which is good. All the actors were well cast (especially Kevin Smith in what could have easily been another stereotypical comic relief role), the scenery is beautiful, and it strikes a balanced tone between romance and comedy and drama. I totally could have done without the horrible editing in this one love scene between Gray and Fritz, but otherwise I was pretty pleased with the overall film and its uplifting message. Jennifer Garner has a very interesting film presence, I think. And she's completely adorable in many scenes. I have a girl-crush on her. :)

things are looking up.

My job search has hit a definite stagnant period, as I'm a) getting more desperate as the days and months go by, b) applying to jobs like crazy and not getting ANY responses in return, and because of a and b, c) January's almost over and I'm not any closer to reaching my resolution of landing a paying job. Thanks to two phone calls from my good friend Leslie, things are starting to look up. I don't want to go into details, because there is a huge chance that both these leads will be nothing more than me getting excited for 2 minutes and nothing good happening after that, but I feel like things will happen. If not this month then in the next. And before I jinx myself any further, this is where all job-related talk will stop.

So I will talk about what I know best, television. I love Thursdays. My favorite show, the Office, is on, and so is Grey's Anatomy, (which has been really good the past few episodes) and I like Ugly Betty (though I watch it online since it's on at the same time as the Office) and Men in Trees is a cute show (though Anne Heche still creeps me out to no end). Tonight we had 3 reruns of the Office, including Grief Counseling, one of my favorites of this season, and The Initiation, which featured the long waited very first interaction with Jim and Pam since he transferred to Stamford at the beginning of the season. I HEART this couple so much. And even though they've been apart most of the season due to Jim's transfer, then his subsequent transfer back with a new girlfriend named Karen, things are looking up for them as well. Yay JAM! I'll be talking about this couple a lot.

Apparently, Meg Cabot, the chick-lit author of such novels as the Princess Diaries, is a fan too. This is what she posted on her blog:
"And if you are not watching The Office, well, I just don’t know what to say. I guess if I were to say to you, “Jim said yes,” it would mean nothing to you.
If, however, you were watching The Office, and I were to say, “Jim said yes,” to you, you would inhale sharply and squeal, “I KNOW!” in a delighted manner. These words would take on a whole new meaning to you. Because this is seriously the hottest, most romantic show on TV, besides being the funniest, and if you aren’t watching it, well, I kind of feel sorry for you.
But don’t worry! It’s not too late to catch up! Start watching it now! Come on! It’s soooo funny!"

Couldn't have said it better myself. Ah, I love it. I kind of don't get people who don't find the show funny. It's one thing to have never really watched it, but it's a whole another to not find anything funny about it upon watching it. And one of my biggest pet peeves is people comparing the UK Office to the US one, but more annoyingly, dismissing the US one and not giving it a chance because of the brilliance of the original. They're different, each has its own merits, get over it.

Little Best Picture.

This morning, the 79th Academy Awards nominations were announced, and I have to say, at the risk of sounding like the biggest geek ever, I just live for this stuff. I love good films (though my taste in movies have been questioned) and great performances and all that jazz, so I really love awards season. It starts with all the Critics Awards in late December, then we have the Golden Globes (as fun as they can be, I have no respect for them or the 90-so members that make up the Hollywood Foreign Press), the Producers Guild Awards, the Screen Actors Guild Awards, then of course, the Oscars. I love making predictions and analyzing who got nominated/won and who didn't and why.

Of course, it wouldn't be the Oscars without a few surprises. The biggest one was the Best Picture snub of Dreamgirls, even though it garnered 8 noms in total. Instead of the movie some people considered a lock-in for the coveted Best Picture nom, my favorite movie of 2006, and quite possibly ever, made the cut.

So, may I introduce, the Little Picture That Could, Little Miss Sunshine. The love that I have for this film knows no bounds, and I have the battle scars to prove it. I seriously tried to watch this film 4 times before I actually ended up seeing it. The first three were free screenings that the studio was doing in the weeks before the release (one in Boston, two in NYC), and the fourth was the misfortune of arriving late to a just-sold-out show on the night of its wide release. Not to mention the many many people I dragged along on any one of those screening attempts. But I finally watched it in the theater with a packed audience in a row filled with just my friends, and I can honestly say it was the best movie going experience I ever had. I was kind of nervous that most of my friends were there, just because I had talked up the movie SO much, but they ended up loving it as much as I did. The laughs were plenty (howling over the SuperFreak scene with everyone else was ah-mazing) and it was $10 and two hours very well spent.

And that is why I'm so so happy that the Academy recognized this gem of a film. Quite frankly, this isn't a typical Academy Award movie, but then again, this isn't a typical indie movie by any means. It was the biggest sell at Sundance Film Festivals ever, being bought by Fox Searchlight for $10.5 million. It went on to make $86 million worldwide. A small number perhaps, compared to $200 plus grossing blockbusters, but seriously, this was a small movie made on a small budget in a small amount of time. The screenplay is near flawless (the first 10 minutes or so is a perfect example of a perfect introduction of all the characters, wrapped up in a neat montage), the acting is perfect (I love all of the performances in this film, especially Steve Carell's gay, suicidal, Proust-scholar Frank), and the whole product is a seamless blend of comedy and drama and tragedy. I could go on and on. But I won't. So, yay, Little Best Picture!*


*There's actually no way Little Miss Sunshine is actually going to win Best Picture, but the nom itself is pretty darn sweet.

Brothers & Sisters (something I do not have)

Ever since I can remember, Sunday night has always been about finishing up homework, dreading the weekend being over and the tedious week ahead, and of course, watching television. Now that I'm not in school anymore, Sunday nights just don't feel the same way, even if the not fun homework part has been replaced with the way fun (and yummy) soondooboo dinners at so gong dong with the gang. But the television tradition still remains, thanks to my newfound interest in the Simpsons, the creative upswing Desperate Housewives has been on, and one of my new favorite shows of the season, Brothers & Sisters.

The thing is, the show isn't one of my must-sees, so I don't get upset when I miss an episode or anything. But whenever I do watch it, which is more often than not, I love it a little bit more. It's the perfect blend of funny and drama, it's well written and acted, and all the characters are really likable. I'm not a fan of Calista Flockhart at all, but I don't mind her so much on this show. I think the reason why I love the show aside from the aforementioned reasons is because I love watching the family dynamics of all the Walker siblings. Every fight, banter, issues that come up- they all stem from this deep-rooted love they all have for each other. I'm totally fascinated by it. It's probably because all of that is pretty foreign to me as an only child. It makes me wonder what it would have been like to have brothers and sisters of my own- whether I would get along with them and be friends with them or want to have little to do with them as possible. I imagine my life would be very different, and perhaps I as a person would be too. Maybe that's why I'm so drawn to the show; it feeds a desire to live vicariously through the Walker clan. Anyways, it's a good show.

Also, I think Dave Annable, who plays the baby of the family, Justin, is really really cute.

the first post.

Part of my New Year's Resolutions for 2007 (none of which I am actually actively working to keep) is to read and write more. At least 15 minutes a day. Sounds easy enough. We'll see how this goes. I know I'm 19 days in already, but it's better late than never, right? Hopefully this will improve my writing and get the creative juices flowing so that I may make a living doing it someday. A la Carrie Bradshaw, except without all the sex talk.

I'm just a girl with big dreams and no real motivation. So, here's to a new year of baby steps and little dreams, productivity and spontanaiety, less ruminations on drama and more acting upon the things that do matter.

current reading: The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold. (I'm re-reading it, cause I just finished her memoir, Lucky, which I found profoundly moving and disturbing at the same time, and I want to compare the two.)

current tv: The Office, 3x13- The Return. (Jim still has feelings for Pam! I totally sqeeeeed when he admitted that. My JAM heart is very full right now.)

current obsession: Triscuits. (My favorite Nabisco snack after Cheez-its. But you can't eat a whole box of Cheez-its and still feel good about yourself. The Triscuits are low fat. And really good and filling. Win-win-win.)