Out with the old, in with the new.

So it's already been 1 year since I started this blog. My entries have been random and far in between, something I'm not proud of. I am proud of my work on Life in Boxes though, so there's that silver lining.

I just re-read my very first entry, which talks about my New Year's Resolutions for 2007. Looking back on it, I think 07 was quite an interesting year. I got my first real-world job, I started 2 blogs, I started running (and liking it), I had a lot of fun, I got my heart broken (kinda), and I re-discovered how kick-ass my friends are. A couple of things bogged me down in December, but for all the positives that happened in the year, I'm ready to look at the new year with a new perspective.

For 2008, I vow to:
* reach my target weight loss goal
* have a new job, new career
* log in 624 miles of running (I knocked out 3 today, so 621 more to go)
* run a 5K
* encourage/make everyone I know and who are eligible to to go out and VOTE.
* go on at least 1 international trip (LONDON), at least 1 continental trip
* work on my screenplay and/or short story
* continue writing in this blog as well as in Life in Boxes

All seems do-able. We will see. I love the fresh start of a New Year.

An Open Letter

Dear Britney,

I am one of your biggest fans. Back in the late 90s/early 2000s when you were at the height of your career, it was incredibly easy to be your fan. Look at how cute you used to be, how catchy and fun your songs were. I remember going to your Dream within a Dream tour, being excited to see you despite the fact that you were barely the size of my pinky from the crappy seats we were sitting in.

These days, not so much. I've long learned that to be your fan, you have to take the negatives with the positives, the ups with the downs. So imagine how excited I was when you, the day after appearing on Letterman looking radiant and fit last November, announced your divorce from K-Fed. Here was finally hope that your days of quickie marriages, babies, barefoot in public bathrooms, NO underwear!, and countless other things that caused your once diehard fans SCREAMING from your world, were long gone.

But of course you followed that with what was worse to come yet, your whirlwind of a meltdown- complete with a stint in rehab, partying with Paris, firing/hiring staff, fighting with your family, and of course going apeshit and shaving off your hair.

Just when all hope seemed lost, you released a new single that is, surprisingly, not bad. Is it Baby One More Time/Toxic good? No. But it's hella better than what I thought you would put out. It started to build buzz. Then came news that you would be the opening performance of at the MTV Video Music Awards. A hot new single AND what should be a hot performance?? You are an artist who is known for your killer performances. And of course the VMAs have always been good to you, providing you with a platform to unleash your magic on stage. While there are countless arguments about your lackluster voice and lip synching tendencies, no one can deny your ability to put on a show. The school girl uniform for the Baby One More Time performance. The Madonna makeout for the Like a Virgin performance. And my FAVE, the huge python for the I'm a Slave 4 U performance.

It should have been the COMEBACK OF THE CENTURY. Instead what we got was a stiff performance where you looked bored, off, and not like yourself. Your dancers were gyrating and dancing their hearts out. You were in the middle of it all, not giving even half of that energy. I wanted to stop watching but I couldn't, hoping that you'd throw something big in. But no, it ended just the way it started, and it is probably one of the least memorable, least inspired, least exciting performance I've seen ever. And it's too bad, cause as the show went on your younger, more popular counterparts- Rihanna, Chris Brown, and your peer artists- JT, Kanye, Alicia, put on fun performances. At your best, you could've blown all of them away. But what happened tonight is anyone's guess. Maybe you were nervous. It almost looked like you couldn't move very well, maybe you were hurt. Maybe you were high/drunk. But you weren't you on that stage and that makes me sadder than any craptastic thing you have done in the last 2+ years.

Even I have grown tired of your recent antics and inability to get your head out of the distorted cloud you're in. I can't begin to count how many times I have defended you, your actions, and your mistakes. But it's getting really hard to stand by you and keep waiting for that one redeeming single, album, performance. Everyday is another ridiculous headline (most of which are true rather than not, it seems) or another ridiculous photo opp in which you happily, obligingly invite the paparazzi into your twisted world.

There is a reason why you became a star. There is a reason why you have fans (me included). You have that quality. Why you and other young celebrities deliberately choose to throw away opportunites to showcase your talent for what- drugs, parties, reckless living- is completely beyond me. Wake up. You are not going to be young forever and I know someday you are going to regret not taking your career more seriously. Is that someday going to be when all your fans have left, and you're left with nothing but the past? We're not going to wait forever. I'm tired of hoping that you're going to get your act together. Right now I'm so disappointed that you botched the greatest boost your fast-falling career could have gotten. I'm not blindly defending you anymore. You've had more than enough chances. What happens next is up to you. Get your act together, throw away your pride, work with people who can help bring your career back, STOP giving the tabloids endless things to talk about. You owe it to your kids, to all the naysayers, and most of all, the fans who have made you into the star that you are.



Waiting,
A Still Hopeful (but not for long) Fan.

money money money!

I have that stupid song from the Apprentice stuck in my head. You know, the one that goes, 'money money monaay!' with the shot of his royal highness Trump and his minions walking towards the camera. Anyone?

Anyways, it's been like a month since I wrote anything. Which is a shame cause I said I wasn't going to do that, so let's plunge right back in, shall we?? Um, so this is what I have been thinking a LOT about these days. You know my problem before I was employed was that I wasn't making any money, and now my problem as a working girl is that I am not making enough money. I mean, I don't pay rent and I really don't pay for other basic necessities so I am saving a lot of moolah, but I also can't help but compare myself to my friends and peers who are currently, or will be in the future, making a lot. It's not like money is the most important thing in the world, and I'd hands down choose loving my job and what I do over making oodles of moola any day. Seriously. But like money gets you stuff and as non-materialistic or shallow as one can try to be, there's no denying that it is important in this over-materialistic and consumeralistic (is that a word??) world. I think right now it's ok cause a lot of my friends are still just starting out in the real world and finishing up school and stuff, but what's going to happen when we're all very much in the working world? As much as my pay will be increasing over time, it won't be this exponential growth. I feel like I'm going to have to work twice as long to get something or somewhere, and when you're around friends who will automatically be making a lot more than you're making at the same time, it's just not going to be fun. I really hate being negative about things, and generally I'm not a Debbie Downer despite all of my complaining about everything under the sun, but I think about the future and sometimes I worry. No money, mo problems. Sorry Biggie, but that's my outlook.

It's been a really beautiful couple of days, as the weather in the tri-state area finally hit 60s and up. I love this time of the year, as the days get longer and the warm weather rolls in, you can feel life on every corner. The trees are in full bloom, people are everywhere, the scent of nature hangs in the air. As I was enjoying this nice change of pace I couldn't help but reflect on the events that happened one week ago today. It just seemed especially sad to me that there are people who have been stripped of their lives and their bright futures in a senseless act that has rocked the nation forever. The 32 victims of the Virginia Tech shootings will never see another season change, never feel the warm sun on their faces, never realize the potential that was ahead of them.

For me (and probably for most Korean-Americans/Asians), the case especially hits home. It was inevitable that as soon as the killer was revealed to be Korean, the media would be all over the race card. And of course, the backlash began, with Koreans/Asians fearing for their safety and everyone publicly decrying the acts of Seung-Hui Cho. I understand, and have felt, the anger and confusion and even embarrassment over the fact that something as horrible as this, the worst campus shooting in US history to be exact, was committed by someone who looks like us. But the thing is, as long as this mass murderer wasn't white, there was no way anyone would have escaped the intense scrutiny of racial background in conjunction with the person himself. But what makes me angry about the entire thing is how very few seem to acknowledge just how American Cho was despite not being a full-on citizen. This is a prime example of nature vs. nurture, and how a lonely, withdrawn, unstable person was driven to commit the most unspeakable act as a result of an uncaring and judgmental society and as a result of a lack of resources to help deal with issues regarding mental health.

If this sounds like I'm defending Cho and his heinous actions, I'm not. He ruthlessly shot down 32 people in an act that he had been planning for months. He compared himself to a martyr and likened himself to Jesus Christ. He will be punished for what he did. But there is also no clear-cut villain here. Cho was the product of a society that rejected him and the people who ignored him and cast him off as weird. He grew up in a country where it is ridiculously easy to get a hold of guns, citizen or not, mentally stable or not. It's so easy to just write him off as a person who went mental and planned a massacre, but it's not as easy to see the deep seeded issues that allowed Cho to do what he did.

Of course gun control is a foremost issue here. We need stricter laws, but the only real way to drastically lower the number of people dying in gun violence is to get rid of them, period. That's easier said than done, but it can be done, just ask Britain and Canada, countries that have seen gun violence significantly drop by banning them. But the issue that is most pressing is the one of mental health. Cho was a deeply troubled person and there were warning signs everywhere. There's no use in anyone feeling guilt over what he did because there's no way of turning back time. But things have got to change to ensure more resources on college campuses for people to feel safe. We have to get rid of the still exisiting taboo against mental illness, which is very real and very prevalent in many people's lives. This especially holds true for Asians and Koreans in general, where issues of mental health is still something that is considered taboo. If there is anything us Koreans and us Americans learn from this tragedy, it is to open up a dialogue about how real and gripping mental illness is, and brainstrom and implement things we can do as communities to help those who suffer. It's so easy to write off outcasts as weirdos or whatever, but things are never going to change if we keep not caring. The system failed Cho repeatedly. He was able to squeak on by with minimal tarnish on his official records despite trips to mental hospitals and appearances in courts. It shouldn't have happened, but it did. We have to fix it. We owe that much to the people who have paid with their lives.

my American Idol.

Gwen Stefani is the new Britney Spears. To me, anyway. And no, this doesn't mean that Gwen has replaced the spot I have for Britney in my heart, because frankly, barring she doesn't go on some murdering rampage, I will always love Britney. I don't care what ALL you naysayers say, nor am I going to defend my love. So, moving on. What I mean is that Gwen Stefani is the ultimate pop star/celebrity who can do no wrong in my eyes. She's super cute, super talented (I kinda love anyone who can be self-deprecating enough to admit that they are not the most awesome singer ever), super creative, and like super awesome. Are those not reasons enough??

Like who wouldn't want to be the female lead singer of a cool band? How hot was she during the No Doubt days? And who wouldn't want to star in those elaborate, lush productions like her music videos?? (see: What You Waiting For, Rich Girl, The Sweet Escape videos) Plus I highly enjoy her solo efforts, as they are little nuggets of FUN, unpretentious music with throwbacks to the funky 80s sound. And she made yodeling cool.

But the reason for my tribute to Gwen is for my surprise at how pulled-together and competent she sounded as guest mentor (??) on American Idol last week. When I first heard that she was going to take the kids under her wings, I was like, what kind of advice can she possibly give them, 'Everyone, gyrate your hips a little more!'?? But she was actually pretty insightful, giving sound musical advice. I mean, she really wasn't going on and on about how each contestant should be singing in relation to pitch and tone and other musical terms that are probably important, but she made sense, and she seemed to really connect to them, which is more than I can say about half the other mentors.

Plus I really like the fact that she looks so put together all the time; she was one of the most stylish pregnant woman ever, and she seems to have a good balance between family and career. Look how cute she is being a mother to an even cuter baby Kingston. In no way am I going to be a future rock star-fashion designer-celebrity like Gwen, but I hope I'm that fashionable and trendy and career-minded and family-minded somewhere down the line. So no, I don't believe in idols and worshipping anything other than my God, but I am a fan.

adultswim.com

(click to enlarge)

hahahaha. this is why we don't answer our home phone anymore. =P
and, this is what i'm doing at work. yeah, this rocks.

smile.

Holy, moly, it's been awhile since I last wrote a post. And the last one doesn't really count, since I had YouTube do most of the work for me. =P I wish I could say that it's because I'm super duper busy, but that wouldn't entirely be true. I mean, I'm busy and tired as a working girl, but I really am making excuses if I don't even have time to post something on my blog.

Anyways. Let's actually tie the post into the title. So, why have I been smiling? Well, work's been really good. I had NOTHING to do yesterday and 2 of my bosses were out, but today's been a really productive day. I still don't feel like I'm making a difference in the lives of my bosses, but I think that's just my insecurities talking. I'm sloooowly making my cubicle my own, I have bombarded it with all this Powerpuff Girls stuff, cause they're my favorite ever. Are they not the cutest things ever?? Cartoon Network is releasing the first season on DVD later this year for their 10th Anniversary. Can't wait. Especially since they don't air the show anymore. Sadness.

I also got my very first paycheck yesterday, and if I didn't need the money to pay off my ridiculous Anthropologie bill (I made a killing there the other day) or the other superfluous stuff I tend to buy, I would have it framed. Maybe I'll just make a copy of it and frame it. It's not like it's a huge amount of money or anything, though it is a bigger number than I've ever gotten in one lump sum, but it's like my official entrance into the working world, my ticket into the Big Boys Club. Plus, (hopefully) one day I'll look back on it and be like "oh hahahaha I remember thoooose days, glad I'm making soooooooo much more now." Haha. A girl can dream.

Oh, and one more happy news. The Shin Family is finally getting cable. Like 15 years after everyone else. It's a big deal. My dad is still iffy about it though. It's like COME ON! He says he's "allowing" this because I'm paying for it and he can't stop me, and that I'll probably be the only one watching it and I won't even have time to watch it. Let's fast forward to week 2 when he's discovered the Nature channel and Animal Planet and ESPN and whatever else old men are into, and we'll be fighting for the remote. So, yeah. It'll be like 70 bucks a month for all the channels and DVR (Tivo's more expensive), and I think I can manage that, especially since I'm not paying anything else to live there. =P I need to call and make an appointment, but MTV here I come~! I'm just excited to watch the Hills in real time. Team Lauren!

current music: still Lily Allen. I want to go see her at the Irving in April, but tickets are $120. I don't think I want to pay that much. Boooo.