painnnnnnn

I've never really understood the concept of painkillers and why people are addicted to them, but I'm kinda getting it now. I've been dealing with back pain issues on and off since I was a teenager, and my 2010 started off with a fresh round of pain. Just when I thought it was going away, I stupidly partook in flag football drills, and voila, the back pain came back with a ROAR. And not in my back, but all the way down my leg. My self-diagnosis of a herniated disc/pinched nerve was all but confirmed by my chiropractor and physical therapist, and well, $125 worth of co-pay per week for the next few weeks means no more JCrew/Anthro shopping for me. UGHHHHH! So not only do I feel like a lame bum who is clearly ONLY 26 years old on paper, but I'm not even gonna look as cute. GAH. Peeps, it's important to take care of yourself and your body. I neglect mine all too much. And yeah, I might be complaining about the exorbitant amount of money I have to spend on taking care of my body (WHEN OH WHEN DOES THE REFORMED HEALTH CARE BILL KICK IN!), but it's probably going to be the best thing I do for myself, even better than the cute dress and flats I could've bought at Urban. (But barely....)

Take care of yourselves! Listen to your body! Don't play football if you really don't feel like you should! Yeah, I'm just full of great advice. And no, as much as I would love some, I'm not addicted to painkillers. I just like my little orange Motrin pills, taken as directed on the box. If you do have a percocet or 2 lying around though, call me. ;)

being genuinely happy for others

One of the nicest things my good friend Leslie ever said was when she told me how genuinely happy she was for me when I told her I was dating. It meant a lot, because if you think about it, we use the words "I'm happy for you!" quite often, but in how many of those instances do you truly, really mean it? Now, I'm not calling any of you out and saying you don't mean what you say, but I do think the art of being truly, genuinely, unseflishly and unconditionally happy for someone without a hint of 'I wish that were me' is not the easiest of things to master. Am I wrong?

As much as I've been down in the dumps lately about my job situation and such, I'm genuinely happy for my friend and coworker, who is moving on from here and starting a brand new chapter in her life in a brand new place. She is one of my rocks at work, and I've always said that I have to leave before her cause I won't be able to handle life at this place without her, but.. I'm just reallllly happy for her. She was so miserable here (what is with this place!) and to see a light at the end of this tunnel, well, she totally deserves it! And that's when it hit me, I am unconditionally happy, despite it meaning I'm losing a friend at work, despite what the repercussions of her leaving might mean for me and my job, despite me not seeing the light at the end of my tunnel. It's a really good feeling, being happy for someone. I want to feel this more often! Hoorah!

time is not my friend.

Almost everyone I know in my life is punctual. Like, either to the T, or early. I am.. the complete opposite. When I tell you I'm gonna get somewhere at a certain time, you should most certainly add 10-12 minutes to that, or else you are gonna end up sorely disappointed. And even though I'm always running late, I expect punctuality from everyone because I know everyone else is always on time. A little messed up, no?

I feel really bad about myself when I do this, I really do. And considering I'm late ALL THE TIME, I pretty much feel really bad about myself ALL THE TIME. There is nothing more crushing than a disappointing look from your loved one, or even worse yet, when they expect it from you. Also, there is nothing worse than that sinking feeling in your stomach, rushing to get to your destination, because you told your boyfriend you were gonna be at his place 15 min ago (just an example). Cue: disappointed look. I seriously don't even know what I do to be so late; time just seems to slip away from me when I am trying to get somewhere. The point is, I'm trying! To get ready faster, to leave the house earlier, to drive faster (haha!), whatever. (I kid about the driving faster part...) I'm not naive enough to make this my New Year's/Month's/Week's resolution and set myself up for failure or anything, but it just means that I'm tired of being late, so I am gonna try extra hard. Jen Shin WILL be punctual. Someday. Somewhat.

cabin fever!

The second blizzard of 2010 hit us yesterday, resulting in another snow day, YAY! Well, it was yay for the first 3 hours, and then it quickly turned into boredom. When I'm at work, all I want to do is to be home, but when I'm at home, as much as there are things waiting for me to do (cleaning my room/life, getting started on the 1st season of 24, reading the gazillion books and magazines on my list...), I don't really want to do any of those things. Weird, right? It's like, I'm never going to be happy where I am. The grass is always greener on the other side, people.

I tried curing my cabin fever by downloading some songs and organizing my iTunes collection, which we all know I have an unhealthy obsession with. I also paid off a couple of bills, threw out some clothes I don't wear anymore, had a lengthy phone convo with good friend Leslie, and video chatted with my buddy Joyce. Well, we attempted to video chat, but technical issues had us just staring at each other type. HA. So I guess the day wasn't all that bad..

And it should only get better; tomorrow I get to see the boy after 3 super long days of not. YES. I didn't think I'd miss him this much, but I did. Which is a good thing, right? :)

sadbones.

Yesterday I found out that I didn't get the job I had applied and interviewed for 2 weeks ago. I knew I wasn't going to get it, cause you just know when you have that feeling in your gut that it didn't go as well as you would've liked it to. But it's still a disappointment when you go through all that trouble for "nothing," right? Well, the way I see it, it wasn't nothing, since it was definitely the first step in getting my feet back in the water of this whole job searching/applying/interviewing process, but it still kinda stings either way.

I'm just so unmotivated at work. My productivity level and work ethic are shot, and I don't know how to get out of this funk. This rejection should be the kick in the butt I need to really start hardcore job applying, but I don't even know if it will be. I've got people around me cheering me on, but I'm just so tired. Though, I attribute the tiredness to my lack of coffee/caffeine, which I am giving up for Lent. Day 1, barely down. 39 more days to go. Yippeeeeeee.

Current Music: Death Cab for Cutie - Marching Bands of Manhattan. The title of my blog is also taken from another great Death Cab song, but I do think Marching Bands is my favorite song from them. And believe me, picking a fave song from their catalog is no easy feat. I just love: Sorrow drips into your heart through a pinhole/Just like a faucet that leaks and there is comfort in the sound

V-Day.

This is my boyfriend Danny. After spending a many Valentine's Days with my wifey and girlfriends, this year I got to spend it with that cutie in Philly. It was.. perfect. It was our first overnight trip, and considering we haven't been dating that long, I thought I was going to be nervous, but surprisingly enough, we've become so comfortable with each other that it was seriously the best day/weekend/trip ever. I'm obviously not gonna write about the details of our trip here, cause I'm not gonna be *that* girl. However, I will say this. The reason why this was the best V-Day ever wasn't because the hotel we stayed at was amazing, or we had delicious food, or even that I spent 30+ hours with a boy I heart. It is because I'm with a boy who makes me feel like this is how every single girl in the world should be treated, and he makes me feel that way everyday. So.. as cliche as this holiday is, I hope everyone got to spend it with the ones they love! Sweet, sweet, sweet. <3

hello.

So. At the urging of my super good friend Suah, I am gonna start writing in this little thing again. It's been almost 2 years since I abandoned this personal blog for my other, more mass-friendly one, but I think writing about my feelings and such (to the readership of 2) will be therapeutic for me. I am, if nothing, an articulate writer. Eh, sometimes (not even..). In person, however, I'm the least articulate person ever, especially when I get flustered. God, I am the worst talker, and I don't know how a college-educated person such as myself can sound so dumb sometimes. Which I'm not, I swear!

Anyhoos. This post is just to get my feet back in the water. Will write about V-day and my love life (!) later.

Current Music: John Mayer - Slow Dancing in a Burning Room. I listen to this song once a day, practically. Ironically, all of this recent hoopla surrounding his controversial Rolling Stone interview only made me reach for this song again. The guy may be the douchiest, but as long as he keeps writing songs like this, I will tolerate him.