hello.

So. At the urging of my super good friend Suah, I am gonna start writing in this little thing again. It's been almost 2 years since I abandoned this personal blog for my other, more mass-friendly one, but I think writing about my feelings and such (to the readership of 2) will be therapeutic for me. I am, if nothing, an articulate writer. Eh, sometimes (not even..). In person, however, I'm the least articulate person ever, especially when I get flustered. God, I am the worst talker, and I don't know how a college-educated person such as myself can sound so dumb sometimes. Which I'm not, I swear!

Anyhoos. This post is just to get my feet back in the water. Will write about V-day and my love life (!) later.

Current Music: John Mayer - Slow Dancing in a Burning Room. I listen to this song once a day, practically. Ironically, all of this recent hoopla surrounding his controversial Rolling Stone interview only made me reach for this song again. The guy may be the douchiest, but as long as he keeps writing songs like this, I will tolerate him.

An Open Letter

Dear Britney,

I am one of your biggest fans. Back in the late 90s/early 2000s when you were at the height of your career, it was incredibly easy to be your fan. Look at how cute you used to be, how catchy and fun your songs were. I remember going to your Dream within a Dream tour, being excited to see you despite the fact that you were barely the size of my pinky from the crappy seats we were sitting in.

These days, not so much. I've long learned that to be your fan, you have to take the negatives with the positives, the ups with the downs. So imagine how excited I was when you, the day after appearing on Letterman looking radiant and fit last November, announced your divorce from K-Fed. Here was finally hope that your days of quickie marriages, babies, barefoot in public bathrooms, NO underwear!, and countless other things that caused your once diehard fans SCREAMING from your world, were long gone.

But of course you followed that with what was worse to come yet, your whirlwind of a meltdown- complete with a stint in rehab, partying with Paris, firing/hiring staff, fighting with your family, and of course going apeshit and shaving off your hair.

Just when all hope seemed lost, you released a new single that is, surprisingly, not bad. Is it Baby One More Time/Toxic good? No. But it's hella better than what I thought you would put out. It started to build buzz. Then came news that you would be the opening performance of at the MTV Video Music Awards. A hot new single AND what should be a hot performance?? You are an artist who is known for your killer performances. And of course the VMAs have always been good to you, providing you with a platform to unleash your magic on stage. While there are countless arguments about your lackluster voice and lip synching tendencies, no one can deny your ability to put on a show. The school girl uniform for the Baby One More Time performance. The Madonna makeout for the Like a Virgin performance. And my FAVE, the huge python for the I'm a Slave 4 U performance.

It should have been the COMEBACK OF THE CENTURY. Instead what we got was a stiff performance where you looked bored, off, and not like yourself. Your dancers were gyrating and dancing their hearts out. You were in the middle of it all, not giving even half of that energy. I wanted to stop watching but I couldn't, hoping that you'd throw something big in. But no, it ended just the way it started, and it is probably one of the least memorable, least inspired, least exciting performance I've seen ever. And it's too bad, cause as the show went on your younger, more popular counterparts- Rihanna, Chris Brown, and your peer artists- JT, Kanye, Alicia, put on fun performances. At your best, you could've blown all of them away. But what happened tonight is anyone's guess. Maybe you were nervous. It almost looked like you couldn't move very well, maybe you were hurt. Maybe you were high/drunk. But you weren't you on that stage and that makes me sadder than any craptastic thing you have done in the last 2+ years.

Even I have grown tired of your recent antics and inability to get your head out of the distorted cloud you're in. I can't begin to count how many times I have defended you, your actions, and your mistakes. But it's getting really hard to stand by you and keep waiting for that one redeeming single, album, performance. Everyday is another ridiculous headline (most of which are true rather than not, it seems) or another ridiculous photo opp in which you happily, obligingly invite the paparazzi into your twisted world.

There is a reason why you became a star. There is a reason why you have fans (me included). You have that quality. Why you and other young celebrities deliberately choose to throw away opportunites to showcase your talent for what- drugs, parties, reckless living- is completely beyond me. Wake up. You are not going to be young forever and I know someday you are going to regret not taking your career more seriously. Is that someday going to be when all your fans have left, and you're left with nothing but the past? We're not going to wait forever. I'm tired of hoping that you're going to get your act together. Right now I'm so disappointed that you botched the greatest boost your fast-falling career could have gotten. I'm not blindly defending you anymore. You've had more than enough chances. What happens next is up to you. Get your act together, throw away your pride, work with people who can help bring your career back, STOP giving the tabloids endless things to talk about. You owe it to your kids, to all the naysayers, and most of all, the fans who have made you into the star that you are.



Waiting,
A Still Hopeful (but not for long) Fan.

my American Idol.

Gwen Stefani is the new Britney Spears. To me, anyway. And no, this doesn't mean that Gwen has replaced the spot I have for Britney in my heart, because frankly, barring she doesn't go on some murdering rampage, I will always love Britney. I don't care what ALL you naysayers say, nor am I going to defend my love. So, moving on. What I mean is that Gwen Stefani is the ultimate pop star/celebrity who can do no wrong in my eyes. She's super cute, super talented (I kinda love anyone who can be self-deprecating enough to admit that they are not the most awesome singer ever), super creative, and like super awesome. Are those not reasons enough??

Like who wouldn't want to be the female lead singer of a cool band? How hot was she during the No Doubt days? And who wouldn't want to star in those elaborate, lush productions like her music videos?? (see: What You Waiting For, Rich Girl, The Sweet Escape videos) Plus I highly enjoy her solo efforts, as they are little nuggets of FUN, unpretentious music with throwbacks to the funky 80s sound. And she made yodeling cool.

But the reason for my tribute to Gwen is for my surprise at how pulled-together and competent she sounded as guest mentor (??) on American Idol last week. When I first heard that she was going to take the kids under her wings, I was like, what kind of advice can she possibly give them, 'Everyone, gyrate your hips a little more!'?? But she was actually pretty insightful, giving sound musical advice. I mean, she really wasn't going on and on about how each contestant should be singing in relation to pitch and tone and other musical terms that are probably important, but she made sense, and she seemed to really connect to them, which is more than I can say about half the other mentors.

Plus I really like the fact that she looks so put together all the time; she was one of the most stylish pregnant woman ever, and she seems to have a good balance between family and career. Look how cute she is being a mother to an even cuter baby Kingston. In no way am I going to be a future rock star-fashion designer-celebrity like Gwen, but I hope I'm that fashionable and trendy and career-minded and family-minded somewhere down the line. So no, I don't believe in idols and worshipping anything other than my God, but I am a fan.

not ready to make nice.

A week has passed since my grandpa's death, and though it hasn't gotten any easier, life goes on. I went on my important interview. I got really into all my favorite shows. I started another part-time gig at my uncle's company. I met up with Stella and Adam over the weekend. I taught Sunday school. The world moves on, and I'm marching on too.

So. I half watched the Grammys on Sunday, and the Dixie Chicks cleaned the house out, winning like all the important awards. Good for them. I'm not a country music fan, but I kind of like them. I totally dig their we're-going-to-say-what- we-want-so-whatever-to-all-you-naysayers attitude, plus their version of Fleetwood Mac's Landslide is so so good. I really wanted to see Shut Up and Sing, a documentary about the fallout of their anti-Bush comment a couple of years ago, but since it wasn't playing anywhere around me, I will just have to netflix it when it's released on DVD.

The degree of hatred the Dixie Chicks received because of their political views was frightening if only because it undermined the idea of freedom of speech in this country. The whole boycott/death threats against the group regarding the incident was ridiculous, and it just highlighted the very worst of our country (kinda like what Borat did) and the worst in the American people, albeit a very selective group. All those people who boycotted the band and threw CD burning bonfires or whatever, did it all in the name of patriotism- basically, "The Dixie Chicks said something unpatriotic about Bush, we're going to show just how patriotic we are by publicly hating on them." The very essence of patriotism is wholeheartedly believing in the things America stands for, and our right to speak what we want is a huge part that. So yeah, you've really proven just how patriotic you are by denying someone their right to free speech. Ok, so I do understand why people were upset when it all happened and I see the flip side, because if I felt strongly about Bush and his administration and going to war, I might have taken offense at what Natalie Maines said. But a simple comment was that- a simple comment. She apologized (which she later retracted), the band clarified their stance on everything from Iraq to Bush to their love for this country, and yet people were so unforgiving. So yeah, there is a part of me that is very happy every time the Dixie Chicks sell millions of albums and win all these awards. You go girls.

current music: Lily Allen - Alright, Still album. A lot of female artists have caught my eyes (or rather, my ears) lately- Regina Spektor, Amy Winehouse, Lily Allen. I haven't heard the albums from the other two, but I recently bought Alright, Still off the strength of the first single, Smile, and I LOVE it. She's like a British Gwen Stefani, sans the heavy 80s overtones. Her lyrics are cheeky, her beats are quirky, and she oozes cool. What is not to like? My favorite songs so far are Smile, Take What You Take, and Alfie.

Goodbye January.

Wow. It's the last day of January already. It's been a month since we've welcomed 2007, how crazy is that?? Ok, so I hope that February will be another month of productiveness and gym-going (at the cheaper and cleaner NYSC). I kind of set a goal for myself that I will be employed by this coming March, though I don't really know how I'm going to punish myself if I'm not. I guess the pure torture and humiliation of being unemployed for so long will take care of that.

Some things I'm looking forward to in February: my paycheck!, chocolates for Valentine's Day, all the pink and red stuff that will be all over the place in lieu of that day, February sweeps, the cook-off, the Oscars.

Currently tv: Weeds Season 1 (I HEART Mary-Louise Parker, she's so talented and pretty)

Current music: Augustana - Boston, Mika - Grace Kelly, Beyonce - Listen