being genuinely happy for others

One of the nicest things my good friend Leslie ever said was when she told me how genuinely happy she was for me when I told her I was dating. It meant a lot, because if you think about it, we use the words "I'm happy for you!" quite often, but in how many of those instances do you truly, really mean it? Now, I'm not calling any of you out and saying you don't mean what you say, but I do think the art of being truly, genuinely, unseflishly and unconditionally happy for someone without a hint of 'I wish that were me' is not the easiest of things to master. Am I wrong?

As much as I've been down in the dumps lately about my job situation and such, I'm genuinely happy for my friend and coworker, who is moving on from here and starting a brand new chapter in her life in a brand new place. She is one of my rocks at work, and I've always said that I have to leave before her cause I won't be able to handle life at this place without her, but.. I'm just reallllly happy for her. She was so miserable here (what is with this place!) and to see a light at the end of this tunnel, well, she totally deserves it! And that's when it hit me, I am unconditionally happy, despite it meaning I'm losing a friend at work, despite what the repercussions of her leaving might mean for me and my job, despite me not seeing the light at the end of my tunnel. It's a really good feeling, being happy for someone. I want to feel this more often! Hoorah!

cabin fever!

The second blizzard of 2010 hit us yesterday, resulting in another snow day, YAY! Well, it was yay for the first 3 hours, and then it quickly turned into boredom. When I'm at work, all I want to do is to be home, but when I'm at home, as much as there are things waiting for me to do (cleaning my room/life, getting started on the 1st season of 24, reading the gazillion books and magazines on my list...), I don't really want to do any of those things. Weird, right? It's like, I'm never going to be happy where I am. The grass is always greener on the other side, people.

I tried curing my cabin fever by downloading some songs and organizing my iTunes collection, which we all know I have an unhealthy obsession with. I also paid off a couple of bills, threw out some clothes I don't wear anymore, had a lengthy phone convo with good friend Leslie, and video chatted with my buddy Joyce. Well, we attempted to video chat, but technical issues had us just staring at each other type. HA. So I guess the day wasn't all that bad..

And it should only get better; tomorrow I get to see the boy after 3 super long days of not. YES. I didn't think I'd miss him this much, but I did. Which is a good thing, right? :)

sadbones.

Yesterday I found out that I didn't get the job I had applied and interviewed for 2 weeks ago. I knew I wasn't going to get it, cause you just know when you have that feeling in your gut that it didn't go as well as you would've liked it to. But it's still a disappointment when you go through all that trouble for "nothing," right? Well, the way I see it, it wasn't nothing, since it was definitely the first step in getting my feet back in the water of this whole job searching/applying/interviewing process, but it still kinda stings either way.

I'm just so unmotivated at work. My productivity level and work ethic are shot, and I don't know how to get out of this funk. This rejection should be the kick in the butt I need to really start hardcore job applying, but I don't even know if it will be. I've got people around me cheering me on, but I'm just so tired. Though, I attribute the tiredness to my lack of coffee/caffeine, which I am giving up for Lent. Day 1, barely down. 39 more days to go. Yippeeeeeee.

Current Music: Death Cab for Cutie - Marching Bands of Manhattan. The title of my blog is also taken from another great Death Cab song, but I do think Marching Bands is my favorite song from them. And believe me, picking a fave song from their catalog is no easy feat. I just love: Sorrow drips into your heart through a pinhole/Just like a faucet that leaks and there is comfort in the sound

hello.

So. At the urging of my super good friend Suah, I am gonna start writing in this little thing again. It's been almost 2 years since I abandoned this personal blog for my other, more mass-friendly one, but I think writing about my feelings and such (to the readership of 2) will be therapeutic for me. I am, if nothing, an articulate writer. Eh, sometimes (not even..). In person, however, I'm the least articulate person ever, especially when I get flustered. God, I am the worst talker, and I don't know how a college-educated person such as myself can sound so dumb sometimes. Which I'm not, I swear!

Anyhoos. This post is just to get my feet back in the water. Will write about V-day and my love life (!) later.

Current Music: John Mayer - Slow Dancing in a Burning Room. I listen to this song once a day, practically. Ironically, all of this recent hoopla surrounding his controversial Rolling Stone interview only made me reach for this song again. The guy may be the douchiest, but as long as he keeps writing songs like this, I will tolerate him.