It's been a really beautiful couple of days, as the weather in the tri-state area finally hit 60s and up. I love this time of the year, as the days get longer and the warm weather rolls in, you can feel life on every corner. The trees are in full bloom, people are everywhere, the scent of nature hangs in the air. As I was enjoying this nice change of pace I couldn't help but reflect on the events that happened one week ago today. It just seemed especially sad to me that there are people who have been stripped of their lives and their bright futures in a senseless act that has rocked the nation forever. The 32 victims of the Virginia Tech shootings will never see another season change, never feel the warm sun on their faces, never realize the potential that was ahead of them.

For me (and probably for most Korean-Americans/Asians), the case especially hits home. It was inevitable that as soon as the killer was revealed to be Korean, the media would be all over the race card. And of course, the backlash began, with Koreans/Asians fearing for their safety and everyone publicly decrying the acts of Seung-Hui Cho. I understand, and have felt, the anger and confusion and even embarrassment over the fact that something as horrible as this, the worst campus shooting in US history to be exact, was committed by someone who looks like us. But the thing is, as long as this mass murderer wasn't white, there was no way anyone would have escaped the intense scrutiny of racial background in conjunction with the person himself. But what makes me angry about the entire thing is how very few seem to acknowledge just how American Cho was despite not being a full-on citizen. This is a prime example of nature vs. nurture, and how a lonely, withdrawn, unstable person was driven to commit the most unspeakable act as a result of an uncaring and judgmental society and as a result of a lack of resources to help deal with issues regarding mental health.

If this sounds like I'm defending Cho and his heinous actions, I'm not. He ruthlessly shot down 32 people in an act that he had been planning for months. He compared himself to a martyr and likened himself to Jesus Christ. He will be punished for what he did. But there is also no clear-cut villain here. Cho was the product of a society that rejected him and the people who ignored him and cast him off as weird. He grew up in a country where it is ridiculously easy to get a hold of guns, citizen or not, mentally stable or not. It's so easy to just write him off as a person who went mental and planned a massacre, but it's not as easy to see the deep seeded issues that allowed Cho to do what he did.

Of course gun control is a foremost issue here. We need stricter laws, but the only real way to drastically lower the number of people dying in gun violence is to get rid of them, period. That's easier said than done, but it can be done, just ask Britain and Canada, countries that have seen gun violence significantly drop by banning them. But the issue that is most pressing is the one of mental health. Cho was a deeply troubled person and there were warning signs everywhere. There's no use in anyone feeling guilt over what he did because there's no way of turning back time. But things have got to change to ensure more resources on college campuses for people to feel safe. We have to get rid of the still exisiting taboo against mental illness, which is very real and very prevalent in many people's lives. This especially holds true for Asians and Koreans in general, where issues of mental health is still something that is considered taboo. If there is anything us Koreans and us Americans learn from this tragedy, it is to open up a dialogue about how real and gripping mental illness is, and brainstrom and implement things we can do as communities to help those who suffer. It's so easy to write off outcasts as weirdos or whatever, but things are never going to change if we keep not caring. The system failed Cho repeatedly. He was able to squeak on by with minimal tarnish on his official records despite trips to mental hospitals and appearances in courts. It shouldn't have happened, but it did. We have to fix it. We owe that much to the people who have paid with their lives.

my American Idol.

Gwen Stefani is the new Britney Spears. To me, anyway. And no, this doesn't mean that Gwen has replaced the spot I have for Britney in my heart, because frankly, barring she doesn't go on some murdering rampage, I will always love Britney. I don't care what ALL you naysayers say, nor am I going to defend my love. So, moving on. What I mean is that Gwen Stefani is the ultimate pop star/celebrity who can do no wrong in my eyes. She's super cute, super talented (I kinda love anyone who can be self-deprecating enough to admit that they are not the most awesome singer ever), super creative, and like super awesome. Are those not reasons enough??

Like who wouldn't want to be the female lead singer of a cool band? How hot was she during the No Doubt days? And who wouldn't want to star in those elaborate, lush productions like her music videos?? (see: What You Waiting For, Rich Girl, The Sweet Escape videos) Plus I highly enjoy her solo efforts, as they are little nuggets of FUN, unpretentious music with throwbacks to the funky 80s sound. And she made yodeling cool.

But the reason for my tribute to Gwen is for my surprise at how pulled-together and competent she sounded as guest mentor (??) on American Idol last week. When I first heard that she was going to take the kids under her wings, I was like, what kind of advice can she possibly give them, 'Everyone, gyrate your hips a little more!'?? But she was actually pretty insightful, giving sound musical advice. I mean, she really wasn't going on and on about how each contestant should be singing in relation to pitch and tone and other musical terms that are probably important, but she made sense, and she seemed to really connect to them, which is more than I can say about half the other mentors.

Plus I really like the fact that she looks so put together all the time; she was one of the most stylish pregnant woman ever, and she seems to have a good balance between family and career. Look how cute she is being a mother to an even cuter baby Kingston. In no way am I going to be a future rock star-fashion designer-celebrity like Gwen, but I hope I'm that fashionable and trendy and career-minded and family-minded somewhere down the line. So no, I don't believe in idols and worshipping anything other than my God, but I am a fan.

adultswim.com

(click to enlarge)

hahahaha. this is why we don't answer our home phone anymore. =P
and, this is what i'm doing at work. yeah, this rocks.

smile.

Holy, moly, it's been awhile since I last wrote a post. And the last one doesn't really count, since I had YouTube do most of the work for me. =P I wish I could say that it's because I'm super duper busy, but that wouldn't entirely be true. I mean, I'm busy and tired as a working girl, but I really am making excuses if I don't even have time to post something on my blog.

Anyways. Let's actually tie the post into the title. So, why have I been smiling? Well, work's been really good. I had NOTHING to do yesterday and 2 of my bosses were out, but today's been a really productive day. I still don't feel like I'm making a difference in the lives of my bosses, but I think that's just my insecurities talking. I'm sloooowly making my cubicle my own, I have bombarded it with all this Powerpuff Girls stuff, cause they're my favorite ever. Are they not the cutest things ever?? Cartoon Network is releasing the first season on DVD later this year for their 10th Anniversary. Can't wait. Especially since they don't air the show anymore. Sadness.

I also got my very first paycheck yesterday, and if I didn't need the money to pay off my ridiculous Anthropologie bill (I made a killing there the other day) or the other superfluous stuff I tend to buy, I would have it framed. Maybe I'll just make a copy of it and frame it. It's not like it's a huge amount of money or anything, though it is a bigger number than I've ever gotten in one lump sum, but it's like my official entrance into the working world, my ticket into the Big Boys Club. Plus, (hopefully) one day I'll look back on it and be like "oh hahahaha I remember thoooose days, glad I'm making soooooooo much more now." Haha. A girl can dream.

Oh, and one more happy news. The Shin Family is finally getting cable. Like 15 years after everyone else. It's a big deal. My dad is still iffy about it though. It's like COME ON! He says he's "allowing" this because I'm paying for it and he can't stop me, and that I'll probably be the only one watching it and I won't even have time to watch it. Let's fast forward to week 2 when he's discovered the Nature channel and Animal Planet and ESPN and whatever else old men are into, and we'll be fighting for the remote. So, yeah. It'll be like 70 bucks a month for all the channels and DVR (Tivo's more expensive), and I think I can manage that, especially since I'm not paying anything else to live there. =P I need to call and make an appointment, but MTV here I come~! I'm just excited to watch the Hills in real time. Team Lauren!

current music: still Lily Allen. I want to go see her at the Irving in April, but tickets are $120. I don't think I want to pay that much. Boooo.

Shut up and Sing.

I know I already wrote a whole post on the Dixie Chicks, but I kinda love them. More so now that I've actually seen this film. The trailer gave me goosebumps! The film itself is even better. It was a really entertaining inside look at not only all the controversy surrounding the group, but the music industry too. I tried to get Joyce to netflix it, to no avail. :T

And in one of my favorite scenes from the whole film:

Natalie Maines: [after reading that George Bush thinks they shouldn't have their feelings hurt for people boycotting them] They shouldn't have their feelings hurt?? What a dumb fuck!
Natalie Maines: [looks into camera] You're a dumb fuck.

hahaha, i LOVE it.

the morning after.

My Super Bowl of the year, the Oscars, is over, and it was a pretty standard affair, really long and a bit predictable. All the actors who were expected to to take home the coveted prize won, except for the surprise win of Alan Arkin for Little Miss Sunshine. Well deserved, but I felt bad for Eddie Murphy, who was the frontrunner the entire awards season. It must be tough to have so many people tell you you're going to win and then not, as opposed to being the underdog that ends up winning. Anyways. Didn't think Little Miss Sunshine was going to win Best Picture, but didn't expect the Departed to win either. My guess is that the polarizing Babel and the sunny Little Miss Sunshine split the Academy voters, leaving the Departed wide open to take the big prize. Oh well.


I love fashion, and there's no greater night for fashion than the Oscars. Here are some of my picks for favorite dresses. I'm not going to waste my time on what I thought were 'eh' or downright awful.


Nicole Kidman in a beautiful red Balenciaga column dress. LOVE it! She was so pretty and spot-on with the whole package-red lips, straight blonde hair. I don't think just anyone could have pulled off this look, especially with the big bow on the side that could have looked ridiculous if not done well. Remember the disaster that was Charlize Theron's dress last year? Bows work sometimes, especially when pulled off in a classy way (are you listening, Anne Hathaway??).


I think J.Lo is the best dressed woman in Hollywood, hands down. Everyone has misses along with hits, but I think her track record shows more hits than not. This lavender Marchesa gown was very diva, very Grecian, but with a pretty feminine twist. I think her short curly bob goes really well with the dress, and I like the fact that she didn't wear much other jewelry, to draw attention to all the bling on her chest and back.

Can you say Team Reese?? She looks SO good! Take that, cheating Ryan Phillippe. I love her bangs, and I LOVE this purple dress! I like how this Nina Ricci dress is plain and simple enough at the top, then opens to a full on tiered, frilly, multi-layered gown. I don't normally love purple, but the shade(s) of this dress would make any Wellesley '06er proud.



Rachel Weisz is always really pretty, but I loved her in this metallic Vera Wang gown with the built in jewels in the bust and the train. I think she could've done without the necklace, as it takes away from the jewels by her chest, but overall, it's a beautiful gown. She looks like the perfect companion to Mr. Gold himself, the Oscar.



I didn't like the dress Beyonce wore to the Oscars itself, but this red number she had on during her Dreamgirls performance was really pretty. I couldn't find a better picture and I don't know who designed it, but I remember really liking it the entire time she was on stage. I love sashes and frilliness. Beyonce is SO over-the-top with her red carpet frocks most of the time, but I really liked this dress.

And finally, because I can:

I love Gael Garcia Bernal and Diego Luna separately, but together?? Le sigh.

one week down

I've really been meaning to write this post like the night of my first day of work, but I've been so tired and sick that I just couldn't. I started sleeping this week at *gasp* 11:00. That may not seem late to some people, but that's early for me. I don't really believe in sleeping before midnight, for fear that I might miss out on something. What, I don't know, but magic happens. It doesn't matter anyway, cause even when I sleep at 11, I'm up half the night coughing. And because I have to wake up at 6:50 everyday, I think I have barely been getting 5 hours of sleep per night. But I'm not sleepy at work, mainly because I have adrenaline constantly running through my body from the realization that I actually have a job.

Anyways, there are a million reasons why I am so grateful for my job and the company and the people that I work with, none of which I am going to detail in this post. And even though I am only three days in, I think I'll be enjoying this for a long time. In fact, I have to. It's what I've always wanted. The other day after what seemed like a really long day of work, I was walking home from the bus stop when KT Tunstall's Suddenly I See came up on my ipod. That's when it finally hit me. I am living my dream. Don't get me wrong, I still don't know what I want to do with my life, and part of my dream isn't living at my parents' home in Palisades Park (which does have its perks, btw), but I'm doing what I imagined myself to be doing after college ended. It took 8 months to get to this point, but here I am, working at a really cool place, in the city no less, and I am enjoying what I'm doing and getting paid for it. Who knows if I'll be at Cartoon Network or at Turner for the rest of my career. That's not important. What's important is that it's a step in the direction I want to go, and there are a million roads I can take from here. Life is good, and God is great. I really feel His overwhelming love, and the way events have transpired in the past few weeks is proof of His grace. And it's up to me to express my gratitude for everything that is my life by working hard and being the best I can be, not only at my job but with everything. I'm up for the challenge. I think. No, I am! Yes, I am.